Chapter 15: The Ghost of Batman

Since I have somewhat depressingly become a single, twenty something again that means the return of dating.  As much as I hate dating, I’m often reminded that prince charming is not going to just spontaneously arrive at my front door and therefore….I need to sometimes leave the comfort of my couch.  After all…..

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Since I’m trying to be good with the budget, and since I’m saving lots of pennies for a major purchase…. 🙂 ….. I decided to give Tinder another whirl.  Why….why do we keep doing things we know are stupid in the hopes that “Oh, maybe it’s mystically gotten better!”  It hasn’t…..please don’t go conduct your own research, I’m here to do that for you.  I present to you….the steps you should follow on tinder to avoid this kind of situation in your life!

However, one night, I thought I had found the mystical tinder unicorn!  He was tall, good looking, never been married, well educated, no kids…….was looking promising.  We started texting and things seemed to be going well.  He’s funny, clever, easy to have a conversation with, and didn’t have bad grammar.  Note to dudes of the world…..maybe try and be on your best grammatical behavior the first few texts?  I know I make grammar and typo errors…..but I’ve gotten some tinder messages that are almost down right unreadable!

What u up to

–Because adding in atleast an ‘r’ and a ‘?’ was gonna be way too much effort…..

Hey how it goin

–Oh ya know…..it’s going….away from you!

So, “Batman” and I texted for a few days and decided that we should go out and get drinks.  I will point out that at this point I knew he had gotten a Batman robe for Christmas, but he said it was from his brother and I just figured it was some kind of gag gift or like White Elephant thing or whatever…..because ya know….I just made assumptions.  Step 1: Never make assumptions.

So Date Day arrived.  I was excited, the girls at work were excited.  And then….he cancelled.  This almost immediately sent us into a flurry of online research trying to learn more about him.  I’d like to say that we are all twenty something girls and that’s just what we’ve been conditioned to do in the face of adversity, but our office manager….who sorta led the charge…..isn’t a twenty something.  But she has two twenty something kids so that makes her an honorary member?!  I think yes!

In googling, we discovered his ex girlfriend.  We also discovered that his ex girlfriend had been at Christmas with his family.  (This occurred the week between Christmas and New Years)  Needless to say, we dug pretty deep around Facebook, and found out some less than stellar things.  Everyone told me to leave it alone but I, being the somewhat bitchy, no bullshit, and impatient person that I am, sent the girl a Facebook message.  Now many of you don’t know, but it takes me maybe 7-9 mins to get from the office back to my house.  Before I had even made it home, she had texted him and he had texted me all pissy that I had talked to her.  Well……maybe don’t be on Tinder when you’re cuddled up to your ex girlfriend in your Facebook profile picture?!?  It doesn’t give off the “I’m single and ready to mingle” sorta vibe to say the least.  I figured that was the end of us talking, lost another one to being an asshole, and moved on with life.  Step 2:  Always trust your gut.

I didn’t think much of him until I was on my way to see my cousins for New Years Eve.  I started getting texts from him about how he was really a nice guy,he wasn’t trying to lead anyone on or be sneaky, he’s totally single and she’s seeing someone else, and he was sorry for the misunderstanding.  Against my better judgment, and in total disregard of Step 2, I agreed to meet him for drinks New Years Day night.  I was home alone after having to cut my weekend cousin party short due to weather anyway…..might as well go out and do something right?!

Show up for drinks….he’s in a super hero t-shirt.  Granted he does have a button down over the top of it, but you can still see the super hero beneath.  Now in talking to him I had started to realize that he was a big fan of the super hero, and I mean we all have to have our thing.  But……really…..on a first date?!  While on the date I also discovered that he has the Batman symbol tattooed on his wrist.  Couple thoughts…..I find that to be a very feminine place to get a tattoo, possibly just because I know a lot of girls with tattoos there and not very many guys, and second……why Batman?!  I don’t know a ton about super hero and comics and whatever but isn’t Batman considered to be sorta the dud amongst them?!?  Someone more well versed in these things can feel free to offer up opinions and explanations.

The date went well…..or so I thought.  He was pretty much as expected; tall, good looking, funny, clever, he kept up drink for drink with me which is impressive, well educated, and well traveled.  We basically only left the bar because they were closing down and we had to leave.  I wasn’t even home yet when he texted saying what a great time he had and how he wanted to see me again.  A couple texts later we had agreed to meet again Wednesday night.  Nothing specific, just pencilled in Wednesday night plans.  This all seemed well and good….UNTIL I NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN! Step 3:  If they have to apologize and tell you they aren’t an asshole before you’ve even met them….they are probably an asshole!

Now, I’d understand if we had gone on a date and he just wasn’t feeling it and we never went out again.  That’s cool, it happens….no big deal what so ever.  But why would you ever go out of your way to make second date plans with someone and then just fall off a cliff?!  What even is the point of that?!  I suppose much like “How many licks does it take to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop?” the answer is of course, “The world may never know….”

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Chapter 14 : Naked Burrito Dude

Now that I’m a single twenty something again, I can return to writing about all my dating adventures.  Apparently……this is something that’s frowned upon in relationships.  I’m not sure why, because my past relationships are what shaped me into who am I and brought me to this point in my life.  But, I suppose on the other hand I can understand how being confronted with your person’s past all the time could be awkward.  When you get to be this age, we all know everyone has dated someone else before……we just collectively don’t acknowledge this fact and pretend it’s not a thing that’s happened.  It’s just one of the unwritten laws of being a single twenty something.

 

For this particular chapter, we are going way back on the dating scale.  Back many moons ago when I was merely a middle aged twenty something in search of a quality drunk weekend with friends.  Ok, so I’m still generally in favor of a good old fashioned drinking weekend…..but the point is I was younger and life generally seemed better!

I mean, would you just look at us?!?  Babies!  Infants!  

Blissfully still unaware of how much being an adult can suck.  I had strings of pink tinsel in my hair!!!  So, there I was all done up with a fresh hair cut, dye job, and tinsel……in a silver mini dress….wearing spanx and two bras (to shove the girls way up there fake boob style)…….and 5 inch silver heels.  I’m going to be honest when I saw that plenty of guys talked to me that night, but all of them were short and not really all that great.  I was also the subject of a fight between a married couple at one point because he was sure my boobs were fake, and she was sure they were real.  I’m not sure what happened to them, or how the fight ended….it was sorta weird and I mostly just exited their area.  Things were going along as they do most party nights at a bar, and then up walked Burrito Dude.

I remember taking off my heels and standing in the sawdust at the Saloon 10 to verify the fact that Burrito Dude was taller than me.  I tend to put people through this check before I invest any sorta energy into them…..does that make me shallow?!  It probably does, but to be fair I don’t think it’s changing anytime soon.

I was fairly drunk that night and I don’t remember a ton of details, but I do know that in trying to dance with me, he unzipped my wristlet and sent my poor little slider phone flying across the dance floor where it landed and broke apart.  The phone and I survived the night….barely, and the night ended with Bitch Faced Bestie yelling at Lil B about being a lady because she was sitting on the sawdust covered floor trying to find us a ride home.  We did get a safe ride home, but we still haven’t let her live down “the sawdust event”.

Next day, in the middle of hangover lounging with the BFB, Burrito Dude sent a text asking if I wanted to go to dinner.  I didn’t really want to, as the hangover was becoming pretty real, but I did eventually agree to go with him.  He ate steak tips and I sipped a Diet Coke….I’m sure I was a great date….although I think I probably did munch a couple of his fries.  He went home, I passed out to sleep off the weekend, and drove home the next day not really thinking much of it honestly.

A few weeks come and go and Burrito Dude decides that he wants to come see me.  He does, but I don’t even know what we really did.  I do recall that before he left town we went to Ihop and I had cheesecake pancakes.  I think it must say something about my priorities in life that I remember that I had cheesecake pancakes, but I can’t honestly tell you what he and I even did other than that.

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They have chunks of cheesecake in them…..who wouldn’t want these!?!?!

I did end up making a trip back out to the hills Valentine’s Day weekend.  Now, don’t get any ultra mushy, romantic ideas.  I mean I did see him, but mostly I went because The Girls and I had planned to go to a fancy masquerade party.  I don’t think we went…..I think we instead ended up drinking downtown again, as we usually do.  He was in town with his parents for some fundraiser activity, and he ended up driving me and my car back to his house in Rapid City.  I’m pretty sure I passed out in the passenger seat.  (Don’t judge me…I was younger and partied harder back in the day!)

Once again, I don’t think we did anything all that exciting, but at some point he decided we needed food and we went to Qdoba.  Just as I was getting all ready to show my chicken burrito who was boss, he chirped in with the fun fact that if I had gotten a naked burrito bowl I would have saved myself 300 calories.  In response to my dismay at why he would even know that sort of information he replied,

It’s just more calories to work off at the gym.

That was really the beginning of the end for us!  I also ended up making him taco casserole…..which is amazing, and he said it would be better if it had less cheese and sour cream…….(cue cricket noise of shock)…….

The actual end was when he basically kicked me out of his house later that weekend so that he could go skiing.  Nothing says, “I’m into you” like waking a girl up and kicking her out of your house so you can go hit the slopes.  I went to Philly Ted’s, picked up my traditional order of cajun chicken sandwiches to bring home, hit the road, and basically never looked back!

Shortly after me, he met a girl that he still is currently dating.  Actually, I saw them the other weekend when I was out in the hills for the concert weekend with the besties.  I was pretty sure that he didn’t know who I was, but BFB was pretty sure that he did.  Who knows really, but it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.  The only things I remember about hanging out with him was what I ate….and probably he was secretly judging me the entire time.  

……Plus, he’s a cat person….and I’m sure you’ve all figured out by now that I am not a cat person.

Chapter 13: The Blog I Thought I’d Never Have to Write

I never thought I’d have to write this blog.  I’ve written blogs like this before, but I never thought I would have to write one about this person…..Main Squeeze…..

 

I wrote the title and the first line 2 months ago, and then I just sat on it.  I waited in the hopes of not burning a bridge, I waited hoping that things would change, and we would get better.  I waited thinking that if you had love everything else would eventually fall into place.  I waited thinking that a connection as strong as and instant as we had had to mean something.

I was wrong

For two months I fought everyday to hold on to feelings and a love that I thought could get us through anything.  I knew I couldn’t make him love me, but he swore that he did, and he promised that a life with me was what he wanted.  He was my person, he was the one I turned to to make things better, and even now I just want him to tell me that things will be ok.

For two months I waited.  Waited to feel like I mattered to him again, mattered more than just a text message, or a random phone call.  Waited for him to decide that he wanted to see me, and that things would go back to how they had always been.  In the moments were it all felt hopeless he would talk to me, and we would talk about how we were feeling and how much we loved each other and it felt like we’d turn a corner…….but the corner was never a corner, just a ring.

For two months we talked everyday.  He told me how much he wanted to fix things and that we were going to work on things to be better together.  And for two months I believed him, I trusted that we wanted the same thing, and I had hope that things would be ok.  After one ruined vacation with him, he told me he wanted to go on vacation with my family, and I trusted him.  I invited him to spend time with my family even though I had never met his.

For two months I poured my whole heart into something that couldn’t have been more of a lie.

Yesterday he told me that he’s no longer in love with me, but that he still loves me.  Yesterday he told me that we have nothing in common, because I don’t love sports the way he does.  Yesterday he told me he no longer could see me in his future, because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship like we had.

In that moment, everything felt like it was crumbling.  I had known things weren’t perfect, and I knew we were nearing the end, but to have it happen all over again was something I just wasn’t ready for.  I had woke up Friday morning knowing that he wasn’t going to come see me for the weekend like he promised. I don’t know how or why any of this caught me off guard and made me feel so helpless, but it did.  To have to listen to him say those things after finding so much comfort the night before in him saying that I was the girl he wanted and that we weren’t fizzling out, it was crushing.

I don’t even know how to feel…..

 

Chapter 12: The Things You Learn

Since we’ve already covered the fact that I’m an upper twenty something with absurd dating stories….obviously, I’ve dated some winners.  I am however, a firm believer that everything you go through in life molds you into the person you currently are.  You can either become weighed down with your failures, or use them as opportunities to grow.  I choose to grow!  Part of growing means you must dig through the crap trying to find helpful nuggets to truth.  This can be especially difficult after a break up.  Give yourself some time, enjoy some of Ben and Jerry’s fine creations, and when you’re ready, begin the digging.

From every relationship I’ve tried to learn something.  Sometimes they are stupid, sometimes they help other people more than they help me, but there always has to be a good thing.  Some of the relationships were serious, some were not, doesn’t mean you can’t learn.

  • The OG Time really does heal even the deepest of wounds and betrayals.  It’s taken more the a decade, but the OG and I are back on friend terms…..we even occasionally get together for drinks!
  • The Drummer – Your Momma is always right.  I know you don’t want to admit this, but it’s true….just accept it and move on.
  • Tonka Truck Driver – There is a clear, and sometimes not so present difference between Mr. Good Enough for Now and Mr. Right.  Don’t ever think you need to settle, and be grateful for the bullets you dodge in life!
  • The Pot Head – Apparently, you can make pot brownies without actual leaves in your batter?? The things you learn when chemistry and chemical dependence meet.
  • The Ginger – Country boys and city girls don’t mix…….this is wrong. Don’t let other people’s opinions weigh on your relationship.  Especially when those opinions come from the girl your man had previously wanted to date.  Jealousy is a for real thing kids!  If nothing else, remember city girls and country jerks don’t mix!
  • ADD 3Spicy Ramen packets! I don’t eat them, but they became a favorite lunchtime treat for one of my UBS girls!
  • Naked Burrito Guy – You can make eggs in the microwave! I never knew….turns out guys who can’t cook do have some useful kitchen skills.  Making breakfast burritos has never been so quick and easy!
  • The Pole Jumper – Enchiladas…..he’ll make them better than you, but it’s something to work towards!  Trial and error can be delicious…..a slightly sub par enchilada is better than no enchilada at all!
  • The Cliffdiver – Sometimes, giving someone a second chance just isn’t worth the effort.  It doesn’t make you a bad person to say no to people.
  • The Asshole Tinder Cowboy – Cowboys know they are sexy, and they know every girl finds them sexy…..AVOID AT ALL COSTS! 
  • The Frat Boy – It’s always ok to take risks and go after what you want.  You know you tried, even if it doesn’t work out.

Chapter 11: Math has Never Been My Friend

I realize it’s been quite some time since I have written about any of my dating escapades.  There hasn’t really been a particular reason for this, other than the fact that I guess I haven’t been going on as many dates!?!?  I’ve long since given up on all of my online dating apparati.  (Apparently the “correct” plural of apparatus is either ‘apparatuses’ or ‘two pieces of apparatus’……I personally think apparati sounds better so that’s what I’m gonna go with!)  I believe this is the first blog about a guy I actually had a long relationship with.  Of course, long is a relative term, but since all the relationships you’ve read about how been flings or short lived, I’ll consider this to be long.


 

Ahhh college, it’s a great time.  However, it’s also a time where you might make some questionable life choices.  I will be the first to admit that college me made some truly questionable choices.  Probably one of the most questionable……was ADD 3.  I refuse to look back on experiences with regret, because they have brought me to the life I live now.  Despite all my “middle class white girl struggles”, I really am loving my life right meow!!  Honestly though, if I knew that I would end up in exactly the same place I am now if I could just delete those two years from my life….I would.  I’m struggling with how to write this, because it could be quite long, but also because the majority of it was not good or healthy in any way.  I’m going to try and provide just enough background that you can grasp the situation I put myself in, and then I’ll try and just focus on the positive things I learned.

move-on-quote-relationship-text-true-Favim.com-274768Graduating college on the heels of an economic recession isn’t great.  You’ve put in tons of time, money, and energy, and done all the things you’d always been told you were supposed to do to be successful.  The ending result of all this time and money was that I was unable to find a job, despite all my best effort and hours of filling out seemingly identical applications.  I was firmly committed to the belief that moving home would be an admittance of defeat, so I did the next best thing I could think of….I moved in with ADD 3.  I knew the sort of jobs that were awaiting me back home…..essentially nothing.  I wasn’t willing to admit that sort of defeat, so against the wishes of my family….and probably my friends….I soldiered on with my plan.

After about a week, I didn’t want to be there!!  I had already known that ADD 3 had a rather substantial collection of tubs in his basement.  One of the perks of dating a guy with a house in college was that I got to do laundry for free….in the basement…..with the tubs.  Being the nice, unemployed, “housewife” that I was, I thought I would organize the basement!!  Most where garbage……random things….some of his old Army stuff…..and then I found them, TUBS FULL OF VERY NSFW THINGS!!!!!!!!

…………………………………AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH……………….!!!!!!  

Somehow, I let him convince me that it would be ok to stay, that we would work it out, and everything would be fine.  I think part of me gave in to him because I felt like I had worked so hard and upset so many people by moving in with him in the first place that once again….I was unwilling to accept the defeat that would have been moving out.  Something about college me was apparently really into winning at this point….

I eventually got a job where I traveled frequently, so I was around less to put up with his crazy.  Yes….he was crazy.  Granted, I only know ADD 3 as a PTSD suffering Army veteran. I have no idea who he was or what he was like before he served our country and saw the things he saw.  In that sense, I have only the greatest amount of respect for him, his family, and the sacrifices they made.  He discovered that he could win any argument by playing the “Army Card”.  Honestly, there was never anything I could say or do other than sit there and take whatever random insult he had to throw my way because I could never bring myself to say anything back when he’d play the Army card.  You have to remember…..I was younger and stupider then……I’ve grown up a lot….he’s partly to thank.

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This basically continued for a year, until he decided to move to Florida….and I was so relieved.  I packed up all my stuff, and we drove it to my Dad’s house in Sturgis and honestly….I was happy!  I was happy he was moving away, and I was happy that I felt like I had finally found an out.  I really thought everything was going to change for me.  It did…..but at the same time, it didn’t.  I saw him twice more after that moving day in August…..once when he flew to Minneapolis for my birthday that December, and once in the Spring.  I….the girl who was so ready to let go of the relationship, just let him continue to have one with me.  I didn’t really encourage it, but I didn’t stop it either.  I suppose that’s partly to do with being young, and partly because those who are in bad relationships always seem to have a really hard time getting out of them.

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Ok….enough of this seeming like a pity party for me….that’s not at all what I want.  Again, I don’t regret it.  I survived, I’m stronger, and I’m the person I am today because he taught me I didn’t want to be the person he thought I was….AKA a spoiled rotten, Tinker Bell obsessed princess who would never survive on her own because I knew nothing about life.  He had a few positive impacts on my life, and that’s were we will end this….the good things.

  • My relationship with ADD 3 taught me that if you set aside your pride, your family and friends will always be there to support you…..no matter why you think you don’t deserve it
  • He bought me my glorious pupperoni Scout, who has been with me through everything for the past 5 years
  • He introduced me to my fabulous hair stylist who I still drive 6 hours to see
  • He taught me how to play poker…..kinda
  • When I’m told I can’t do something or I’m not worthy of something, it just pushes me to prove them wrong.  So……I guess I should thank him for my new car, paying my own bills, and everything else he ever told me I couldn’t do
  • He introduced me to Korean food…..which is delicious
  • Spicy hot ramen is now a favorite lunch food for one of my UBS girls because of him
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The night we brought my little Scout-a-rooni home from the shelter.  #Adoptdontshop

Chapter 10: A Letter to my Texan

Could I just say, that I’m not sure there’s anything better than coffee and Netflix in bed on a chilly, grey Saturday morning.  I’ve got a curly French twist which is looking gloriously bedheady and I’ve fluffed my comforter into poofy submission.  I’m feeling very Carrie Bradshaw this morning!

It’s probably been a month or two now since I saw an article about how JJ Watt is apparently having a horrible time finding a girlfriend.  Join the struggle sir!  Not that I’m looking for a girlfriend, but ya know what I mean.  Sometimes, when we normal people reach out to celebrities, mystical things happen.  On the advice of my hairdresser, this is my reach out to my celebrity.  So, if any of you have some magical connection to the Watt family, please feel free to pass this along! 🙂

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…..and I’m dead…..

Dear Texan,

As a fellow single twenty something, I am well acquainted with the struggle that is the modern dating world.  You said in an interview that you were having a hard time separating the sincere women from the fame junkies and gold-diggers.  This is my small effort to prove that nice, normal girls are still out there.  Well, I mean normal is a relative term obviously, but according to the internet I feel like I can dig on your brand of normal.

Even as a normal girl living in the normal world, I encounter guys all the time who were apparently raised by wild animals, and thus have moral compasses that are slightly……wonky.  I can’t imagine the volume of women who throw themselves at you, purely because of who you are and what you do. I’m not trying to throw myself at you, although I’m sure you could catch me like a football!  Hahahah, ok that will be my only lame football joke.  Truth be told, I’m not generally a huge fan of football.  I’m not opposed to it watching the game, and I’d be more than down to watch you play.  I do know what you mean about someone only liking you for your job, I mean it would be super weird for someone to want to date me only because I run science experiments on ethanol all day long.  Our jobs are part of who we are for sure, but they aren’t the only thing that defines us.

I’m sure that fame brings gold-diggers, which is a whole thing that we normal girls don’t really have to deal with.  Do girls really ever have to deal with gold-diggers!?  Are guys going after a girl’s money still called gold-diggers?!  These are really the struggles of our lives I think, and Kayne didn’t help sort them any.  In any case, I think the key to a good relationship is two people who want each other, but don’t need each other to function in the world.  I make my own money, pay all my bills on time, and don’t have the time for people who aren’t responsible adults by this point in our lives.  I mean really, get it together people!!  I know that being an adult is hard, but that’s why God invented Google and YouTube.  Find the info you need, and then remember the mantra, “Stupider people than me have done this….therefore I can!”

Dating is really almost the worst thing ever, I get that.  In the face of the whole struggle, it’s important to remember that some of us good, Midwestern, traditioanl valued girls are still out there.  You’re a Midwestern guy, you know what I’m talking about.  Out here on the prairie we are raised to be respectful, work hard, and never forget where you came from and the importance of family and friends!  At the end of the day, hard work and a good heart will get you everything you need in life.  Atleast that’s what I’m hoping, because that’s what I’m banking on!

Fingers crossed,

MisHappenings

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Obviously, this is all in good fun.  Hahaha  I get that celebrities can’t run around in the real world to meet people.  He’d get totally mauled by fans if he ever walked into my local bar of choice.  I mean this is Viking country, but people still know him.  Plus, I read this morning that he is dating someone.  However, I decided to write this anyway cuz it seemed like a fun idea.  Good luck on your new relationship my Texan, and hopefully your wrist heals soon.  …..yea that’s right, I do pay some attention to sports!

Chapter 9: The Musical Chairs of a Breakup

Post breakup music is an important part of any girls emotional process.  Maybe dudes think it’s important too….idk I’m not a boy. Sometimes though, finding the right song or artist can be a huge battle.  Besides having the inner turmoil of the split, you may also be faced with hard existential questions like, “I’m old, why do I feel like TSwift!?!?  I just want to be Adele!” and “Am I sure that these lyrics really get me…..like emotionally right meow!?!?”  The struggle very, very real.

Anyone who knows me….or has even been around me with a radio on….knows that I loathe TSwift.  Loathe is maybe a bit strong, I mean I won’t always change the station when she comes on, and I will occasionally sing along.  Her songs are just so damn catchy…..but sorta stupid……!

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I don’t really want to hate, I just keep hoping that her songs will mature.  Case in point, I really had some good feels about this one——

He’s so tall, and handsome as hell.  He’s so bad, but he does it so well.  And when we’ve had our very last kiss, my last request is this…..”  – Wildest Dreams

…..heard that and it made me think…..“Gee self, that’s kinda how I feel about the ATC….and then the song goes on……

……Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset.  Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you’ll see me again…..” – Wildest Dreams

NO!!  I’m cutting you off right there TSwift!  Don’t remember me, in fact maybe just forget me, and I for sure, don’t ever….ever wanna see you again…….

I suppose I should give credit where credit is due, the girl pumps out a ton of decent, angsty, teenage girl break up songs.  This is the problem though….she’s not an angsty teenager anymore, and I’m not either!  28 is looming literally right around the corner, it really causes one to want to grow up.  The things that seemed normal when I was younger now just seem exhausting and painful.

I said “I heard, that you’ve been out and about with some other girl?”  He said, “What you heard is true but, I can’t stop thinking about you.” – Style

If a guy is ever ballsy enough to tell you they are also dating someone else….DON’T let that boy take you home TSwift!!  I remember being a stupid, young girl who thought that every jerkface boyfriend was perfect, and if I just put up with it everything would work out.  There’s no reason that we should keep putting ourselves through the pain and drama!  Even if you think you’re somehow coming out stronger….you’re not and the suckage factor of the whole situation will eventually sink in.  Wildest Dream…you’re out!

I get it, the catchy club jamz and what not.  Makes for a good girls night out where all you want to do is drink and dance and forget whoever the asshat was who hurt you.  I’ve been there, on one hand wanting to scream that “We, are never ever, ever, ever getting back together,” however it causes me a great deal of post quarter life crisis stress.  Sooner or later I’m gonna have to start handling this nonsense better than this!

When you wanna be all cool and angsty.....

When you wanna be all cool and angsty…..

.....but this is what you think in your head, cuz you're not cool and angsty, you've got bills to pay!

…..but this is where your mind goes, cuz you’re not cool and angsty anymore, you’ve got bills to pay!

This moves us to Adele.  She, like TSwift, writes about break ups sometimes, but her songs are like powerful, and make you want to be a stronger person.  While they aren’t club jams that make you want to dance till your feet fall off, Adele’s songs are deep….it’s like being in AP Poetry at YHS all over again.  Adele is maybe the music you listen to once you’ve danced with your girlfriends and the parties over.  Adele is for when you’re alone, in your bathtub, drinking wine, and finally letting the feels hit you.  Or maybe once you’re a few months removed from the relationship and you’re looking back on all the crap the jerkface put you through.

Adele lyrics like "Use your head, use your head!"

Adele lyrics like “Use your head, use your head!”

But there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew.  All the things you’d say, they were never, true never true.  And the games you play, you would always win, always win.” – Set Fire to the Rain

….this….this is how I should feel about the ATC!  I just appreciate that Adele has managed to say, in an adult way, that the ATC is a no good fuck boy.  She’s not afraid to admit that someone hurt her, but she’s never going to let them get away with that nonsense.  There will be no taking her home just because they are tall and sexy as hell!  Adele would never write a song called “Trouble” about how you knew they were trouble from the beginning.  Adele would tell that ass hat to go fuck himself…..but politely and in a sneaky sorta way.

I’m educated and well read…..I should have way more respect for Adele’s lyrical prowess!  Maybe the problem is that sometimes when you’re feeling emotional, using your brain isn’t what you want.  Sometimes you maybe just want a stupid pop song about how stupid boys are.  I just want to be an Adele!!!  Classy, put together, articulate about my feelings.  Why can’t I just embrace my inner diva!?  I’ve hosted family holidays!  For Pete’s sake, let’s at least try and keep it together shall we?!?!  Ugh….self….you disappoint me sometimes!  I suppose I should just settle for having the occasional Adele phase where I get all self empowered and enjoy it while it lasts before it gives way to the overarching snarkiness of my life.

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Maybe the solution to this inner dilemma is just to ignore the popular break up music all together?  Maybe the “This song just really gets me” song isn’t one you hear on the radio all the time?  While I do think there is a time and a place for Taylor Swift, Adele, Queen B, Queen Nicki, and all the other female artists that inspire us to embrace the diva within, sometimes the situation calls for something a little bit more bad ass……

On that note, I leave you with my break up song of choice for right now.  It makes you want to dance, and you can yell the lyrics at all the fuck boys in your life and still sound fairly articulate, which is a double win! It goes well with boots and shots of whiskey, and frankly if you’re having to deal with some boys shit….boots are helpful for that!  They don’t call them shit kickers for no reason!