Another One Bites the Dust….or Toilet

As it turns out, I’m not a great fish parent.  I have lost many a 22 cent Walmart goldfish to their watery graves.  I’m not quite sure what I do wrong as a fish parent.  I’m just gonna assume that fish have limited lifespans, and that they just die.

“It’s the ciiiirrrrcccllleee……the circle, of life.”

 

The most recent death was Blackpearl, the betta.  He was proceeded in death by his distant relative Captain Jack.  He is survived by his other distant relative, Bootstrap Bill.  Blackpearl had a rather interesting entrance into my life.  To share that story, I’ll share a little bit about ol’ Captain Jack.

Captain Jack died I think the day after Thanksgiving last year.  He was always such a good betta, slightly angry at you all the time.  He would always swim up to the front of his skull head bowl when you’d walk over to feed him.  He’d puff way up to look like a little badass, and then go full throttle after his food.  And then, he suddenly died.  Lil Sis and I found him floating dead with frosted over little fish eyes.  So, we did the only practical thing, we flushed him.  I’m not sure what else you’re supposed to do with a fish after he’s gone to the great bowl in the sky?  I suppose you could bury him if you’re so inclined, but that’s not really an option on the mostly frozen tundra that is SoDak around Thanksgiving time.

After a few days of mourning, the Bitch Faced Bestie and I went shopping for a new fish.  I settled on a nice sorta iridescent blue/green/purple little man, and in keeping with the pirate theme I named him Blackpearl.  Getting Blackpearl home was maybe more than his little fish self could handle.  The ride across town was uneventful, and Blackpearl hung out, I assume happily, in his cup in the cupholder of the truck.  Events took a drastic downturn upon arriving at home.  The BFB drove, so I had to exit the vehicle on the passenger side….obviously.  What isn’t so obvious is that because my drive way is mostly in the shade, coupled with the fact that I’m too lazy to buy salt, means that I exited the truck onto an ice skating rink.  I generally ignore this fact because when I drive, I park in the garage.  The ice rink alone might have been ok, expect that I was wearing my cowgirl boots….which are not widely known for their ice gripping abilities…..

This series of unfortunate events lead to me loosing my balance, and in the process….launching Blackpearl airborne.  He subsequently landed upside down in his cup…..halfway across my lawn…..in a snowbank.

Now, I’m not an animal expert, but I assume that an event of this traumatic nature would have an effect.  In Blackpearl’s case, I’m a tiny bit sure that the effect was maybe shock and some slight damage to his little brain.  He just didn’t really seem to want to be a fish after that.  I had him 10 months give or take, and in that time I think I only saw him eat once.  He rarely left the rocky bottom of his tank, and didn’t really appear to be living his best life.  To say that when I saw him floating upside down at the top of his tank the other day was a surprise, would be a lie.  Hopefully he’s moved on to a happier bowl, or ya know maybe he just likes chilling on rocks…..who really knows these things.

In any case, I was again left with an empty skull head.  So I went out betta shopping the other night, and brought home a new little man.  I managed to get him safely and uneventfully into the house and into his new home.  He seems quite happy, and has already munched down more food than I think Blackpearl ate in his whole life.  Please note that the photo below doesn’t really do him justice.  In person, he’s a cute pearl/grey with gold tipped fins that he like’s to flare to impress you…..or probably to try and intimidate you….cuz he’s a little badass like that!

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He’s fancy, he’s puffy……he’s Bootstrap Bill!

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Weekend Fix #3 and New Favs

Last Thursday I got my 3rd Stitch Fix box.  I somehow missed the email from them saying that my box was being styled and asking for any input, so this box was a total mystery!  I had no idea what was going to arrive.  It was an all day monsoon on Thursday when the package got delivered.  Luckily, I happened to have my storm door unlocked, which isn’t normal for me.  I would have had to wait all weekend for my pieces to dry out before I would have been able to try them on!

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I can’t even tell you how long I have wanted a plaid, pencil skirt!  Ugh….I so wanted to like this, and I kind of did.  However, it’s a tiny bit too small, and I think I’d prefer a slightly longer style.  For the price, $88, I just couldn’t keep it because it wasn’t totally perfect.

 

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I’ve finally decided that I like my booty and hourglass hips in a pencil skirt….which is a huge win for me, but that pucker situation though…..not worth the money!

 

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Again, I really wanted to like these, but there was just too much not quite right about them to justify the price.  While they were a flattering cut and actually long enough for me, they gap slightly in the back because I’m too curvy for them.  They were fairly high waisted on me, which isn’t my favorite feeling for everyday wear, and I’m not sure how much use I would get out of “trouser cut” jeans.  I’m just not that fancy.  I would just as soon take the money, $88, I would have spent on keeping these, and spend it on regular jeans that fit me better.

 

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There’s nothing wrong with these earrings, other than the price.  I like them just fine, I just don’t feel like there are worth $38.  I feel like I could find a similar style to this at stores in town for significantly less money.

 

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Fairly nondescript, black turtle neck.  I’ve never been a fan of turtle necks….I’ve had a couple through my life that I liked, but generally they are never my go to items.  It fit, and the sleeves were long enough…..but it was just too blah to keep for $64.

 

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Cute and comfy long sleeve t-shirt is the item I’m keeping.  After my $20 styling credit, the shirt costs $34.  It has a cute pink zipper detail all up the back, and the sleeves are long enough for me!

 

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Little back zipper!

On to a couple of my favorite new makeup products!  A girl can never have too much makeup!!!

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I’m not sure if these are new…but they are new to me, and I love them!  I’ve seen some mixed reviews, but I have three….two full sized and one deluxe sample, and I love them all!  They dry down super matte, but I don’t find them drying.  They mostly last all day on me even eating and drinking totally as normal.  Even if they wear a little, I find it super easy to just touch up any faded areas.  AND…..they smell like mint and go on with a slight tingle….love it!

The lip paint colors I own are…..

Rave — Greigey Brown

Namaste — Pinky Nude (This is pink on me, but my lips have a lot of color in them naturally.  It might be lighter “nude” on other people)

Hangry — Berry (Deluxe sample size)

 

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If you’re going to wear fancy lips, you need to make sure they stay looking fresh.  I love this lipliner!  It’s clear so it works with any color you own, and it keeps your lips crisp all day.  Without liner, my oily skin causes lip products to bleed out on me all the time.  This liner keeps everything in place for all day wear!

Chapter 13: The Blog I Thought I’d Never Have to Write

I never thought I’d have to write this blog.  I’ve written blogs like this before, but I never thought I would have to write one about this person…..Main Squeeze…..

 

I wrote the title and the first line 2 months ago, and then I just sat on it.  I waited in the hopes of not burning a bridge, I waited hoping that things would change, and we would get better.  I waited thinking that if you had love everything else would eventually fall into place.  I waited thinking that a connection as strong as and instant as we had had to mean something.

I was wrong

For two months I fought everyday to hold on to feelings and a love that I thought could get us through anything.  I knew I couldn’t make him love me, but he swore that he did, and he promised that a life with me was what he wanted.  He was my person, he was the one I turned to to make things better, and even now I just want him to tell me that things will be ok.

For two months I waited.  Waited to feel like I mattered to him again, mattered more than just a text message, or a random phone call.  Waited for him to decide that he wanted to see me, and that things would go back to how they had always been.  In the moments were it all felt hopeless he would talk to me, and we would talk about how we were feeling and how much we loved each other and it felt like we’d turn a corner…….but the corner was never a corner, just a ring.

For two months we talked everyday.  He told me how much he wanted to fix things and that we were going to work on things to be better together.  And for two months I believed him, I trusted that we wanted the same thing, and I had hope that things would be ok.  After one ruined vacation with him, he told me he wanted to go on vacation with my family, and I trusted him.  I invited him to spend time with my family even though I had never met his.

For two months I poured my whole heart into something that couldn’t have been more of a lie.

Yesterday he told me that he’s no longer in love with me, but that he still loves me.  Yesterday he told me that we have nothing in common, because I don’t love sports the way he does.  Yesterday he told me he no longer could see me in his future, because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship like we had.

In that moment, everything felt like it was crumbling.  I had known things weren’t perfect, and I knew we were nearing the end, but to have it happen all over again was something I just wasn’t ready for.  I had woke up Friday morning knowing that he wasn’t going to come see me for the weekend like he promised. I don’t know how or why any of this caught me off guard and made me feel so helpless, but it did.  To have to listen to him say those things after finding so much comfort the night before in him saying that I was the girl he wanted and that we weren’t fizzling out, it was crushing.

I don’t even know how to feel…..

 

Seasonal Hobby Disorder

Do you ever find that are certain things you only do during certain times of the year?  Maybe it’s just me, but there are plenty of activities I only find to be tolerable if done at the “proper” time.  I hadn’t ever really stopped to give this much thought until now.  I suddenly have a mildly overwhelming desire to refinish a piece of furniture, and it occurs to me that I always do that kind of activity in the Fall.

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that the seasons control my general life productivity probably much more than they should.  However, I’m not really sure that I’m willing to change this particular quirk because I think doing so would feel unnatural.

Now I understand that some activities can only be performed during a certain time of year.  But let’s be realistic, I could put paint on furniture at anytime…..so why does it only feel okay to do so once the leaves begin to change.  In case you think I’m kidding, I’ll list out my seasonal specifics…..

Fall–

  • Furniture refinishing – I had always had really good feelings about all the pieces of furniture I had refinished, until the last one.  I recently redid my nightstand, and I don’t like it at all…..PROBABLY BECAUSE I DID IT IN THE SUMMER……STUPID.
  • Decorating – Maybe this goes along with having new pieces of furniture to put in the house that then need to be styled, but it just seems like I do more like more decor shopping as the weather starts to cool.  Also, prepping for Christmas decorating becomes a bit of an obsession…..like is it too early for me to put up garland now!?

Winter–

  • Crafting – Unless I need to craft something specific for someone, I’m generally drawn to doing all my crafting in Winter.  This might be because during other times of the year I can be outside doing other things, but it just seems most natural to be to do it then.  Anything else feels forced, but let’s be honest….there shouldn’t feel like there’s a difference between scrapbooking in the Summer or doing it in the snow.  Additionally, I find the idea of knitting anything while it’s hot and humid outside to be about as off-putting as it gets.  Who wants a pile of knit in their lap when it’s hot out?!
  • Baking – As a life rule, I try and always avoid baking, but sometimes in the Winter I feel compelled to do it.  It starts to feel like a compulsion or a void that needs to be filled.

Spring–

  • Nothing?! – Specifically around here, Spring is more of a general suggestion than an actual thing.  To paraphrase Forrest Gump,”Momma always said Spring is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”  You can’t plan anything in Spring around here because it might be sunny and nice, it might blizzard, or everything might be covered in a thick, death like layer of freezing drizzle…..it’s just hopeless.  No one knows when it might start, how long it might last, or if you’ll even make it through.  Probably I don’t know what I do during Spring because it’s generally horrible and stress inducing so my brain blocks it from memory for self protection.

Summer–

  • Reading – I am usually religious about going to the gym, but Summer rolls around and I become more prone to skipping it favor of sitting on my patio reading…..until it get’s dark and buggy, and then I just move the reading indoors.  Don’t ask me why I don’t read year round, I try occasionally, I just never seem to get very far or even manage to find a book that will capture my interest.  Summertime….I’ll read anything I can get my hands on.
  • Watching Westerns – Possibly because I used to always spend the end of Summer vacation at the farm with my grandparent’s, or possibly because the end of Summer is when I can things, obviously, and canning reminds me of making salsa and pickles at the farm, the end of Summer seems like the only acceptable time of year to watch classic western movies.  It just isn’t the end of summer otherwise.  Case in point, currently watching Jane Got a Gun, granted this isn’t a classic western, but it is set in that time period, and I’ve already rematched all of Lonesome Dove this season.  I’d venture to say even Grandpa got sick of the classics sometimes.

Does any of this make any sense?!

In other less random news, Momma came up for part of the long weekend and we got the baseboard installed in my bedroom and some artwork re-matted and hung.  It really sorta looks like it’s coming together now!  It’s amazing what some 1x4s and paint will add.  We pulled up the existing baseboard, which was just door trim, painting it all, installed the 1x4s and then stacked the old trim on top.  You get way more bang for your buck if you reuse the old trim.

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Ignore the unfilled nail holes, but you get the general idea!

I also started working on refinishing the door that will be turned into my full length mirror.  I’m probably the worst girl on the planet because I don’t currently, and haven’t since my senior year of college, have a mirror that I can see my full self in at one time.  My current options are:

  1. Try and take a selfie to make sure my outfits look alright
  2. Assess the top half of myself in my bathroom mirror, then run upstairs and stand on the bathtub wall to see the bottom half of myself in the upstairs mirror
  3. Just say fuck it and hope for the best

So…..hopefully the door will do the trick nicely.  It’s in a bit of rough shape, so for now it’s gotten a coat of Annie Sloan dark wax to try and deepen the color and add some much needed moisture back into the wood.  One coat wasn’t really enough, but it’s a starting place anyway.  We shall see where it goes from here.  Only makes sense that I’ve started working on it now after having had it for almost a year……FALL IS COMING!