The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

For the second year in a row, I’ve hosted Thanksgiving at my house.  It always makes me a bit stressed, not because I can’t cook, but because I have an issue with timing!  Last year I was probably 10-15 minutes off my projected 2pm meal time.  This year….perfect timing!  I looked at the clock as we all grabbed our plates to dig in, and it was 2:00 on the nose!  Glorious victory!  So, we had an epic afternoon of eating and way too many leftovers because I’m also not super talented at planning how much food to make…..  Turns out a 10.5 lb. turkey is like 3x as much turkey as 5 people need, and I have essentially an entire 9×13 pan of cornbread bacon pecan stuffing left over.  I shall be eating well for several weeks to come I’m sure!  I still haven’t worked my way up to making pie, so I had Momma bring the pies, and Aunt N brought a couple salads, but otherwise I did everything myself.  Adulthood Level: Intro to Pro Skills!

The Feast!

The Feast!

On to the meat and potatoes so to speak……!

Have you ever just reached a point in life where you need a change?  It feels like everything you’ve done to this point is dumb, and somethings gotta give.  I wanted this year, 2015, to be different.  I was going to be bolder, do things that scare me, and karma was supposed to reward me!  Karma did not behave like she was supposed to, and all my brave moves fell flat on their faces.

I tried to go find him......Karma wouldn't help me!!!  WTF KARMA!

I tried to go find him……Karma wouldn’t help me!!! WTF KARMA!

So…..I did the next best thing…..I changed my hair!  I had been meaning to do my traditional fall hair change anyway, but one change lead to another which let to another, and I just feel like a whole new girl!  It’s amazing how switching small things up can really change your whole outlook.

The changes started off simply enough.  I decided that it was time to be an adult and accept that fact that I don’t have perfect vision.  So, I ordered myself some glasses so I could actually see my tv and the world around me is a crispy, sharp way.  Like dropping a pebble into the mystical lake that is adulthood, that one event set off ripples of change.  After the glasses came the new hair.  The new hair brought new shampoo and styling products.  I truly believe deep down in my soul that everyday is a good hair day when your hair smells the way it does when you leave the salon!  Please, no one pop my bubble of hope about this…it’s science, I should know!  Actually, it’s probably more about the fact that the smell reminds me of the salon, and the salon is one of my favorite places.

My desire to have an epic bath time experience post Asshole Tinder Cowboy spurred me to buy fun new things from Lush.  On a whim I ordered a bath bomb in their new fall smell.  It seemed a bit questionable at the time (black pepper, patchouli, and vanilla) but I’m so glad that I did!  My new smell is Lord of Misrule!  It smells like everything that’s right with the world.  It’s a bit manly, a bit fall, a dash of vanilla, and just all around epicness!  If they ever discontinue that smell I shall be oh so sad.  So, I ordered a second order of bath bombs and the shower gel to try and get me through the year until next fall.  Cross those fingers people!  

I’ve been wearing the same perfumes since college, and they are finally running out.  For awhile I debating just rebuying them because perfume shopping is actually the worst thing ever.  Things that smell good in the bottle smell like butt on you, and lord forbid you try more than one at a time and then have to spend the rest of the day smelling “like a French whore house”!  However, I did finally find one that I’m totally digging on.  I had originally passed on it several times, because I don’t like how it smells in the bottle.  On a lark I got a sample at Sephora and I’ve been wearing it everyday.  Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb is my new jam!  I’m adding it to my Birthday/Christmas list I think! (Cough, Cough….Hint, Hint, Hint)

It looks like a little hand grenade of awesomeness!

It looks like a little hand grenade of awesomeness!

It’s really amazing how sometimes it really is the random things that can change everything.  I’m sure eventually the newness will wear off, and I’ll run out of Lord of Misrule shower gel, but in the meantime I’m loving my whole new situation.  It hasn’t changed me as a person, it’s just changed the way I feel about my situation!

The thing that never changes……and will never change…..is that even when I feel like I can’t change the small things I have my friends and family to see me through.  It doesn’t matter how bad things get or how much success you have, your friends and family are always there to support, encourage, and congratulate.  That’s what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving week, my friends that put up with my crazy and my family that puts up with my bitchiness.  

My friends became the focal point of my trip to the hills the other week.  So here’s to my friends, the ones who had my back when I saw my college dream frat boy with his fugly new girl in the hills (Yes….I saw him out at the bars :/), the one’s who distracted me and kept my mind off the Asshole Tinder Cowboy, and the one’s who are always down for cheeseballs, beers, burgers, too many orders of chile rellenos, mystery flavor jello shots, and generally having the best time!  

I also spent a great night with G and his gorgeous baby girl when I was in the Hills, but idk that babies belong on blogs cuz the interwebs can be a weird place.  She did however teach me how to “make potatoes” on the kitchen floor, and she amazed me with her technology skills.  18 month old me could not have worked a smart phone!  Technology on little one, and grow up to show the world what’s what!

 

Chapter 9: The Musical Chairs of a Breakup

Post breakup music is an important part of any girls emotional process.  Maybe dudes think it’s important too….idk I’m not a boy. Sometimes though, finding the right song or artist can be a huge battle.  Besides having the inner turmoil of the split, you may also be faced with hard existential questions like, “I’m old, why do I feel like TSwift!?!?  I just want to be Adele!” and “Am I sure that these lyrics really get me…..like emotionally right meow!?!?”  The struggle very, very real.

Anyone who knows me….or has even been around me with a radio on….knows that I loathe TSwift.  Loathe is maybe a bit strong, I mean I won’t always change the station when she comes on, and I will occasionally sing along.  Her songs are just so damn catchy…..but sorta stupid……!

56354040

I don’t really want to hate, I just keep hoping that her songs will mature.  Case in point, I really had some good feels about this one——

He’s so tall, and handsome as hell.  He’s so bad, but he does it so well.  And when we’ve had our very last kiss, my last request is this…..”  – Wildest Dreams

…..heard that and it made me think…..“Gee self, that’s kinda how I feel about the ATC….and then the song goes on……

……Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset.  Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you’ll see me again…..” – Wildest Dreams

NO!!  I’m cutting you off right there TSwift!  Don’t remember me, in fact maybe just forget me, and I for sure, don’t ever….ever wanna see you again…….

I suppose I should give credit where credit is due, the girl pumps out a ton of decent, angsty, teenage girl break up songs.  This is the problem though….she’s not an angsty teenager anymore, and I’m not either!  28 is looming literally right around the corner, it really causes one to want to grow up.  The things that seemed normal when I was younger now just seem exhausting and painful.

I said “I heard, that you’ve been out and about with some other girl?”  He said, “What you heard is true but, I can’t stop thinking about you.” – Style

If a guy is ever ballsy enough to tell you they are also dating someone else….DON’T let that boy take you home TSwift!!  I remember being a stupid, young girl who thought that every jerkface boyfriend was perfect, and if I just put up with it everything would work out.  There’s no reason that we should keep putting ourselves through the pain and drama!  Even if you think you’re somehow coming out stronger….you’re not and the suckage factor of the whole situation will eventually sink in.  Wildest Dream…you’re out!

I get it, the catchy club jamz and what not.  Makes for a good girls night out where all you want to do is drink and dance and forget whoever the asshat was who hurt you.  I’ve been there, on one hand wanting to scream that “We, are never ever, ever, ever getting back together,” however it causes me a great deal of post quarter life crisis stress.  Sooner or later I’m gonna have to start handling this nonsense better than this!

When you wanna be all cool and angsty.....

When you wanna be all cool and angsty…..

.....but this is what you think in your head, cuz you're not cool and angsty, you've got bills to pay!

…..but this is where your mind goes, cuz you’re not cool and angsty anymore, you’ve got bills to pay!

This moves us to Adele.  She, like TSwift, writes about break ups sometimes, but her songs are like powerful, and make you want to be a stronger person.  While they aren’t club jams that make you want to dance till your feet fall off, Adele’s songs are deep….it’s like being in AP Poetry at YHS all over again.  Adele is maybe the music you listen to once you’ve danced with your girlfriends and the parties over.  Adele is for when you’re alone, in your bathtub, drinking wine, and finally letting the feels hit you.  Or maybe once you’re a few months removed from the relationship and you’re looking back on all the crap the jerkface put you through.

Adele lyrics like "Use your head, use your head!"

Adele lyrics like “Use your head, use your head!”

But there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew.  All the things you’d say, they were never, true never true.  And the games you play, you would always win, always win.” – Set Fire to the Rain

….this….this is how I should feel about the ATC!  I just appreciate that Adele has managed to say, in an adult way, that the ATC is a no good fuck boy.  She’s not afraid to admit that someone hurt her, but she’s never going to let them get away with that nonsense.  There will be no taking her home just because they are tall and sexy as hell!  Adele would never write a song called “Trouble” about how you knew they were trouble from the beginning.  Adele would tell that ass hat to go fuck himself…..but politely and in a sneaky sorta way.

I’m educated and well read…..I should have way more respect for Adele’s lyrical prowess!  Maybe the problem is that sometimes when you’re feeling emotional, using your brain isn’t what you want.  Sometimes you maybe just want a stupid pop song about how stupid boys are.  I just want to be an Adele!!!  Classy, put together, articulate about my feelings.  Why can’t I just embrace my inner diva!?  I’ve hosted family holidays!  For Pete’s sake, let’s at least try and keep it together shall we?!?!  Ugh….self….you disappoint me sometimes!  I suppose I should just settle for having the occasional Adele phase where I get all self empowered and enjoy it while it lasts before it gives way to the overarching snarkiness of my life.

1339610291597_3812096

Maybe the solution to this inner dilemma is just to ignore the popular break up music all together?  Maybe the “This song just really gets me” song isn’t one you hear on the radio all the time?  While I do think there is a time and a place for Taylor Swift, Adele, Queen B, Queen Nicki, and all the other female artists that inspire us to embrace the diva within, sometimes the situation calls for something a little bit more bad ass……

On that note, I leave you with my break up song of choice for right now.  It makes you want to dance, and you can yell the lyrics at all the fuck boys in your life and still sound fairly articulate, which is a double win! It goes well with boots and shots of whiskey, and frankly if you’re having to deal with some boys shit….boots are helpful for that!  They don’t call them shit kickers for no reason!

The Stuff of Sunday Mornings

This is the first weekend I’ve spent at home in quite some time.  I’m not sure I could tell you when I last spent a Saturday and Sunday at my house.  You would think that with the massive list of projects and things I’m supposed to be doing I would have hit the ground running this weekend, but you’d be wrong.

Here’s what I was supposed to get done this weekend…..

  • Shopping
  • Bridal Shower
  • Homework
  • Test prep
  • Hang light fixture in hallway
  • Clean the house
  • Christmas presents

Here’s what I actually did…….or might get done……

  • Shopping
  • Wine drinking and banana cream pie eating
  • Bridal Shower road trip with bestie
  • Attempting to not body check the slow moving masses at Hobby Lobby
  • Homework
  • Dog Walk
  • Eggplant Parmesan
  • Hours of Hulu while making a necklace and bumming with the dog
  • Pass up going out drinking with Bestie because we were both too lazy to get dressed….#thestruggleisreal
  • Stood up for a date (maybe that’s not the right term, but it was sorta planned and he like double booked me….)
  • Coffee Drinking
  • Blog
  • …..test prep…..need to motivate
  • …..light fixture…..maybe
  • …..shower……debatable although should be done
  • …..wash make up brushes….possibility
  • …..plan Thanksgiving dinner……need to get on that shiz!

I know we all think that time moves too quickly, and I know that you only get one life and you should live it, but sometimes living it up is exhausting!  I really should get motivated for the day….ya know…the stuff on the list.  Take a shower, wash my makeup brushes, finish my test prep, clean my house…..ugh it all just seems like such a struggle.  Is this just part of being an adult?  Where all we want is to drink coffee on the couch with our dogs, but meanwhile the world around us is just piling up a list of “important” things we are supposed to be doing!?

I just want to Netflix and Craft….is that too much to ask!?!?!?

I think mostly I’m just over being in school and I would like to move onto the festive Christmas spirit.  The spirit has been a bit squashed due to the fact that Menards is no longer carrying their super amazeballs garland.  I need more of that garland!!!  I’ve got a house to decorate now…..and houses need garland!  Speaking of garland, when is an appropriate time to start decorating?  Last year I had all the plain garlands up for Thanksgiving……I just feel like they make the house feel cozier.  Maybe it’s a bit different because most of my garlands are just plain with pine cones and like cinnamin sticks.  Nice, but they don’t like scream Christmas in like a Grizwald sorta way.

I love me some Christmas lights....but you can for sure go too far.

I love me some Christmas lights….but you can for sure go too far.

Well….I have more I could write about, I should fill you all in on my trip to the Hills, but we all know the to do list isn’t going to wait.  Shower time for me, and a better blog coming next week!

Chapter 8: Where Have all the Cowboys Gone

Oh Paula Cole….I’m not sure what the answer to this question was in the 90’s when you released this song, but after my experiences the past few months, I’d have to say the answer is most certainly to Fuckboy Island.  (Although it’s a bad island cuz they all keep escaping and ruining lives)  Apparently, the mystical, romantic, John Wayne cowboys I grew up watching on the Western channel with my Grandpa have long since been replaced with douche canoes!  That seems to be the general feeling among my girlfriends anyway……

Here’s a little 90’s jam to get you in the mood!

I promised last week that I would write about getting “dumped” although as you’ll come to find out, that probably isn’t the technical term one should use to describe the situation.  The more correct term is that I got played….and I got played hard.  This, my friends, is a story about trust and gut feelings….and why you should always trust your gut.  First impressions rarely ever lie, and if something doesn’t seem right, odds are it isn’t right.  I however, being the eternal hopeless romantic and delusional optimist that I am regarding relationships, chose to ignore mine for quite some time.

This ignorance on my part has lead to the final chapter in the saga that is The Asshole Tinder Cowboy.  This is going to be a long one, I’m sorry, but I have a lot I feel like I need to try and get off my chest.

I really don't have trust issues, but as someone who trusts that people are good even when I shouldn't, you learn this lesson early and often. The key is not letting the assholes get you down.

I really don’t have trust issues, but as someone who trusts that people are good even when I shouldn’t, you learn this lesson early and often. The key is trying not to let the assholes get you down.

THE REFRESHER COURSE

First things first, let me remind you about my previous feelings regarding the ATC.

Things started off with these feelings of generalized annoyance…..

Random guy who lives in the Hills starts talking to me on Tinder.  This leads to him calling me to chat.  During one of our chats he starts fighting with me about how horses are so much better for moving cattle than 4-wheelers………and this is his life………and “They’ve done studies…you’re into science you should understand that!”  hahah…..yup cuz being a jerk straight outta the gate makes me wanna date you sir.

Shame though, he’s 6’4″ and smokin’ hot!” —  Chapter 6: A Festivus in July – The Airing of Grievances

and were quickly followed up by this lovely gem……

Post date, I maybe should retract what I said about the Tinder Cowboy a couple weeks ago……horses are his life and I should maybe not be such a judge-y bitch face all the time……more about that on another day hopefully.  He was actually very nice, and still super smokin’ hot good looking!”  #Sturgisorbust

Looking back, and knowing the things I know now, I want to give Chapter 6 me a high five and a prize and smack Sturgis me upside the head.  However, like they always say, hindsight is 20/20, so I’ll try and fill in some of the middle to connect you from July to two weeks ago.

STARTING OUT

The ATC and I didn’t have the best relationship straight out of the gate as you’ve may have sensed.  But, after I met him for dinner out in Sturgis, things did really start to come around.  It was at this point that I started to feel a bit concerned about things.  What exactly was I going to do with a cowboy who lived way out in the middle of bum fuck no where?!?!  Can one have a relationship with someone you meet on Tinder?!?!  Why was he talking to me, a girl living no where near him, of all people?!?!  This led to lots of conversations with the Besties…..because I can’t make these decisions on my own ever.  He did seem genuinely interested though, and everyone was sort of on the consensus that I should just let it ride for awhile and see what happened.  After all, there wasn’t really any harm in talking to him…..if it fizzled so be it.

The ATC and I talked everyday….I mean literally every day!  The part that really struck me like this might actually be soemthing serious was that if he knew or thought I was upset about something, he made me talk to him.  Even if I was upset about him, he always made sure that we talked about it.  No one I’ve ever dated had really ever done that before.  I know it seems like an important and normal thing, but for me it was new….and this will give you some insight into the level of jerk that I usually end up dating.

The ATC did cute things too….he’d randomly call me on Skype in the morning when I was getting ready for work so “we can have coffee together before you leave”….stuff like that.  Idk….it’s seems stupid and sickening now given the things I know, but at the time it felt cute, and like what someone who cared about you would do when they live 7 hours away.  I’m really a sucker for cute, little gestures, I think they speak louder than big, grand things that everyone can see…..but I mean clearly in this case I was so, so wrong.

THE WARNING SIGNS

Things got a bit weird in September.  There had been discussions, lots of discussions, about him coming to visit me for a weekend in September.  Since this was planned, I kept putting off the “Hey, maybe if we are together you should get your ass off Tinder” conversation because I thought it might go better in person.  Also, it felt a bit hypocritical to say something about it because the only reason I knew he was on Tinder was because I was obviously still on Tinder.  Everyone seemed to agree that if he like manned up and put his money where his mouth was so to speak we could have the Relationship Talk.  Eventually, these plans fell through because according to him someone had quit the ranch and he couldn’t get a Saturday off anymore.  Well, one night I was feeling particularly pouty about the whole “the guy I like is still on Tinder” thing, and in his standard fashion he made me talk about it.  Part of this talk involved him bringing up that he wasn’t seeing anyone else and that he didn’t want me to see anyone else either.  Remember the fact that HE BROUGHT IT UP…..this will become part of the confusion!

We didn’t talk for a few days in September at all, because he “needed time to think”.  We had a three hour phone conversation one night about where things were going (which included the Tinder issue), and I believed that he was sincere.  After all, if you didn’t want to talk to me anymore, I live several hours away and realistically I’d never see him again unless we planned it.  I would be the easiest girl to slow fade on if you wanted to ditch someone, and there were several times were I gave him the opportunity to leave free and clear….but he never did.  Even during the 3 hour phone call, I kept asking if he just wanted to not talk to me anymore….like would that just be easier for us both…..and he kept saying that he didn’t want that.  In hindsight I have no idea why he didn’t want that…..probably the answer is just that he’s a world class asshole!

We did start talking again because in his words, “I don’t know what I want exactly, but I know I don’t want to not talk to you.”  Again, I believed him, because relationships…especially long distance ones….are confusing and take a lot of work.  Turns out that he probably didn’t want to talk to me that weekend because he was having friends….AND HIS GIRLFRIEND……up for his birthday.  I had noticed a girl commenting about how she was “excited to see his face!!” on Facebook, but I let it go because I didn’t want to be jump to conclusions girl.  Plus, she was friends with his mom and sister on Facebook and super chatty with them, so I thought maybe she was just a girl he knows….I mean he’s allowed to know girls….I’m not that sort of girl.  I even straight up asked him if we hadn’t been talking because of another girl, and he got all “that’s how you’re going to connect those dots?!?!” on me about it……

It really takes a special kind of asshole to pull all the things the ATC did.

It really takes a special kind of asshole to pull all the things the ATC did.  Kudos to him I guess for keeping us all juggled properly though….seems like a shit load of work to be honest.  I never got a text that was out of place or meant for someone other than me.  Believe me when I say I’ve been around the block with the signs of cheating, and this was pretty free and clear of those signals……….

SLAP BACK TO REALITY

I had been needing to take a trip out West River anyway, my hair is in need of some serious High Maintenance Salon TLC.  So I found a weekend where the ATC wasn’t busy working, and scheduled myself a hair appointment.  The plan was that I’d spend some time in Rapid with friends, and then spend part of the weekend up on the ranch with him.  HE MADE PLANS WITH ME….UGH!!!!!    I was just sitting at work the other week being all excited and antsy to go see him when something popped up on Facebook that changed things.

I didn’t go looking for any of this, after all I was really trying to be trusting and I believed that he was sincere.  He might have been, but he was also being super sincere with his girlfriend….the Rodeo Princess.  I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just that creeping informed me that she is in fact a rodeo princess.  She’s actually the same girl that I had weird feelings about over his birthday when we stopped talking, and that he totally denied.  The only reason I found out about any of this Behind the Scenes action was that she had posted several things about the ATC on Facebook, and because he commented on them, they happened to appear in my feed.  Thank goodness, because as much as it was a slap in the face, he was just going to let me come see him like I was the only girl for him.

THE FALLOUT

I’ve been cheated on a lot in my dating life, sadly for me that’s nothing new.  However, I have never….ever been the “other women”.  I make a point to avoid that at all costs because I know how shitty being hurt by someone that you trust is.  After sending a Facebook note to the Rodeo Princess and fielding an “I’m so sorry I fucked up” phone call from the ATC I discovered that I was in the fact the other women.  The ATC and the Princess had been together since APRIL she informed me.  To her credit, she was very polite to me about the whole thing, and didn’t blame me for any of it.  Not everyone would have been like that I don’t think.

Her relationship status is now single, but she’s still friends with the ATC and his family on Facebook.  I promptly deleted him because I don’t need that sort of shit in my life dragging me down.  If she wants to keep his cheating ass be my guest.  Here’s the thing Princess…..if he was faithful and decent to you he would have never met me on Tinder, and he certainly wouldn’t have started a relationship with me.  I’m sure I’m not the first girl he cheated on you with, and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the last.  Also, I’m not sure that “being more cowboy than you thought” is a good reason to be a complete scum bag……but he’s all yours darling, I don’t want him.  

THE RANT

Here’s the thing Asshole, no one….and I mean no one on the face of the planet…..has ever woken up one day and been like “oops….look at all the girlfriends I accidentally collected….I have no idea how this happened!”  You don’t get to sit there on the phone and play the “I’m confused, I’m sorry I fucked up, and I didn’t mean to hurt you” card…..only Ronald Weasley gets to look that confused about what’s happening, because he’s adorable and not an asshole.  You sir…..are no Ron Weasley!!

How did I collect all these women?!?!”–No one ever

I don’t care about how fucked up and shitty your life was before you left home.  It makes no difference to me that your mom is on crazy pills and your dad is a drunk cowboy.  Also I’m throwing the bullshit flag on girls never noticing you and that giving you anxiety….you’re too good looking for girls to ignore honestly.  If you play with people’s emotions you don’t get to throw a pity party for yourself!  If the only things you’re capable of saying are dumb lies, I don’t care to hear it.  If you understand that your life has been so awful, rise above it and do something!  Everyone has problems, issues, and a past, I for one, strive not to be defined by mine.  

Also…there’s no way you can be sorry.  You’re not sorry you were trolling around on Tinder in July and found me, you’re not sorry you didn’t end it any of the times when I was having weird feelings about the whole situation, you’re not sorry that it when too far……YOU’RE ONLY SORRY YOU GOT CAUGHT!  The most sickening, confusing, and assholish thing to me is that you were going to let me come see you!  When I called to say that we hadn’t been talking as much as we used to, and things felt weird, and that I didn’t know if I wanted to come up and stay with you….you got mad at me, and told me that you didn’t know how I could feel that way and that you just wanted to see me and blah blah blah blah blah.

The worst part is that I wanted so much to believe you.  I told my coworker that you were either the least assholish guy I knew or you were going to be the biggest asshole on the planet.  I didn’t see how there could be any grey area.  So thank you for proving me right!  You ended up not only being not the person I thought you were, but the worst incarnation of the person I was hoping you weren’t.  Everything that spewed out of your gorgeous face was a huge lie.  As much as you sat on every phone call, Skype date, and texting exchange and told me how sincere you were about everything….you weren’t.  There’s no way you could have been.  My all time favorite was when, on several occasions, you flat out told me “I’d never lie to you”.  Well….you did….for months!

THE AFTERMATH

This isn’t the first time a relationship has fallen apart, and it probably will not be the last.  It is kinda the first time that something like this has just come up and slapped me across the face though.  I will be the first to admit that I had done a fair amount of creeping around and trying to investigate things and I never really found anything…..other than the Rodeo Princess stuff I talked about.  He was always so willing to talk about everything that it seemed like a lot of undo effort if he was trying to hide something.

I’ll never understand, and that’s the part that bugs me the most.  My analytical personality just doesn’t like loose ends, problems I can’t solve, and issues I can’t resolve.  The whole experience has left me feeling just a bit blah.  I’m not sad, I’m not even really angry.  I’m hurt and I feel a bit like an idiot.  I think it hurts the most because even though I didn’t know him long, I felt like I could just be myself around him.  I don’t often have that feeling with the people I date, which is probably why my relationships never work out.  The bestie always says if I can’t talk to the guy the way I talk to her it isn’t meant to be.  For all the ATC flaws…..and basically all he is is flaws, I at least felt like I could be totally myself when I talked to him.  If I was upset, I could be upset….and he understood that.  I think that’s probably why it hurts the most, because I really did try and be open and honest with him even though it made me nervous, and he just sorta threw it all back in my face.

Don’t think for one minute that I’m going to let the ATC ruin my upcoming West River weekend!  Plans have been adjusted, and the hair change I planned might end up being a bit more dramatic now, but honestly, it might be a bit more fun now!  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind a little time on a ranch, but if I’m honest with myself that’s never a life I’m going to live.  It would have ended eventually, and probably better sooner rather than later.  I had an epic life before the ATC, and it can only get better from here!

At the end of the day....this. Every hour of everyday....just this!

At the end of the day….this. Every hour of everyday….just this!