……two years

Two years ago this morning my Dad died…..

Last night, we sold his sailboat…..

Today is just one of those days I guess……

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Doctor said he ain’t got long, he just smiled and said bring it on.  If you think I’m scared, you’ve got me all wrong. A little cancer can’t break me, my heart’s right and I believe.  We all hit our knees and started praying.  Naw he never gave up, he said the good Lord’s waiting.  And that’s one hell of an Amen.”

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This makes me feel better……

…You said that it would, now everything should be alright…..”

Chapter 6: A Festivus in July–The Airing of Grievances

Any Seinfeld fans in the house?!? Yes….no……..maybe……well I’m doing this anyway.

If you’ve watched Seinfeld around the holidays, you’ve probably seen the Costanzas celebrate Festivus.  Festivus was apparently the brain child of the father of Seinfeld writer Dan O’Keefe, and the O’Keefes started celebrating the holiday in 1966.  I have no idea what year my father discovered Festivus, but I do know that we did celebrate it one year….complete with a metal pole in the middle of the living room.  Ahhh, nothing like a Festivus of the rest of us!

My Dad hated decorating for Christmas.....particularly the lights.  This is extra fitting.

My Dad hated decorating for Christmas…..particularly the lights. This is extra fitting.

Festivus is comprised of several activities: the declaration of Festivus miracles, the feats of strength, and the airing of grievances.  I’ve decided to take advantage of the time of year to air some personal grievances.  These will be related to recent dates I’ve been on, people I’ve seriously attempted to date, or just people who’ve annoyed me lately.  They aren’t really involved enough to demand their own chapters, but they are dudes that you might want to hear about.

Festivus

Car Builder Dude

This is the guy that many of you asked about when I said a few weeks ago that I went on a date.  Short story long……the date did not have the desired effect.  I really don’t know why, and honestly I don’t really care.  But this is what I don’t understand…… Why dude, would you kiss me in the parking lot if you didn’t want to see me again!?  Now say what you will about kissing people in parking lots…..that’s a different issue.  I’ve been on plenty a date where I didn’t want to see the person again.  Just cut your losses and leave dude!  Don’t be all confusing with the signals……  I shouldn’t have to consult friends post date to figure out what it is you were trying to accomplish!

The Sig Who Got Away

I don’t even know where to start with this one.  Honestly, this has been going on since January, and he could probably be his own chapter.  I might do a whole chapter on him in the future, but for now I’m angry and annoyed and this is what I’m doing.

There is a guy I went to college with who I have always….I mean always wanted to date.  I finally worked up enough courage to talk to him just before New Year’s, and we spent a few nights hanging out while I was in the Hills in January.  Flash forward SEVEN MONTHS, one trip by me back to the Hills, and two failed efforts on his part to drive here……I still haven’t seen him again, and I’m done.  Actually what lead me to being done was him not showing up the second time.  I mentioned I was getting a feeling that he wasn’t that into me, we sorta had a texting fight, I apologized, we talked once more and then radio silence from him.  Fine dude…..after 7 months just drop off the face of the plant……..see if I care.  (……I actually kinda care…..but he doesn’t need to know that)

The Tinder Cowboy Asshole

This one is short and sweet and should not be confused with the Firefighter Cowboy from Chapter 1!

Random guy who lives in the Hills starts talking to me on Tinder.  This leads to him calling me to chat.  During one of our chats he starts fighting with me about how horses are so much better for moving cattle than 4-wheelers………and this is his life………and “They’ve done studies…you’re into science you should understand that!”  hahah…..yup cuz being a jerk straight outta the gate makes me wanna date you sir.

Shame though, he’s 6’4″ and smokin’ hot!

The Tinder Dog Walk Dude

Yea….obviously Tinder isn’t the way to go about this.

Dude….if you make plans with me and then don’t remember when I ask about it…….don’t expect me to call you.

  1. I’m not that desperate for a guy.
  2. You haven’t even proven yourself to be worth any amount of my effort really
  3. I’m not hanging out with you after you done “meeting the guys for beers”…..

Mid-Life Crisis Corvette Dude

This actually has nothing to do with a guy I even know, just some random who I encountered on my drive home Tuesday night.

I’m sorry sir that you have having some sort of crisis in your life….but rolling around with the top down, in a man tank, blasting TI’s Whatever You Like is not the answer!!  Also, don’t be that creepy dude singing “I want your body, need your body” to girls at red lights……just…..don’t……  It’s weird, we don’t like it, and it’s certainly not gonna make me want to get in your car.

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Epic Quotes You’ll Never Remember and Bourbon

I would like to preface this post by mentioning that I stayed up way too late last night working on it.  The late night, with the all weekend party fatigue, has got me feeling a bit less than stellar on this humid Monday morning.  The single ray of sunshine is that I found my existence in an Instagram post from Rebel Circus this morning and I almost peed myself laughing!

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I straight up love this movie!

  ….anyway, I’ve had my coffee and I’m feeling at least vaguely awake, so on to your regularly scheduled blog!

Once a month we try and throw a dinner party at the house.  It just seems like the easiest way to get all the friends together, adult schedules get so crazy….and most of us don’t even have kids yet!

Last month….due to crazy schedules, the party had to be postponed.  This weekend was the weekend….it was finally time for Bourbon and Burgers!!  Our one night dinner party turned into an all weekend party.  I didn’t take as many pictures as my trip to the hills, mostly because we just spent more time chillin’ out and relaxing, but I’ll show you what I’ve got.

First things first.....buy new hot pink lip stain for rocking at the pool!

First things first…..buy new hot pink lip stain for rocking at the pool!

On Friday afternoon, your Hill’s friend will roll in much earlier than anyone anticipated…..this will cause you to leave work at noon and start the party early.  It was also mean that you have a partner in crime for the pre-party Walmart run.  This is good news, because you should never buy snacks alone!

THE CALVARY ARRIVES!

1. THE CAVALRY ARRIVES!

Friday night will lead to several epic adventures:

1. Running across the street and raiding your neighbor's garage sale will lead to several amazing purchases. You can never plan for Halloween too soon! (Not puppies were harmed in the taking of these photos!)

2.  Running across the street and raiding your neighbor’s garage sale will lead to several amazing purchases. You can never plan for Halloween too soon! (Note: No puppies were harmed in the taking of these photos!)

You'll need to take a wind blown adventure pizza to go with your beverages!

3.  You’ll need to take a wind blown adventure for pizza to go with your beverages!

You might need a power nap, because you'll need to throw on your boots, head to the pool, and then take a slightly damp, makeup free trip to the bar!

4. You might need a power nap, because you’ll need to throw on your boots, head to the swimming pool, and then take a slightly damp, makeup free trip to the bar!

It’s important that you go to bed “early”, because Saturday is when the party really starts, but there’s fun to be had well before dinner!

A glorious day with friends!

A glorious day with friends!

Schedule of the Day

  • Wake up
  • Make Bacon and Eggs
  • Bike 20 miles and see the sights of SooFoo
  • Made Pineapple salsa…you might get hungry!
  • Chill by the pool….it might not be a Yeti 110, but it was iced down with silver bullets and more than did the job! (There may or may not have also been tupper wares of margarita jello shots…..I’m not at liberty to disclose that info…..)

After we all got thoroughly sunned, it was time to shower and get to cooking.  We had burgers, Sriracha bourbon BBQ sauce, and bourbon caramel to make.  The menu ended up pretty awesome: bbq bacon cheeseburgers and grilled veggies with grilled peaches, bourbon whipped cream and caramel for dessert.  Blackberry bourbon lemonades, wine slush, and beers rounded everything out.  We all ate well, and enjoyed the awesome weather and lightening bugs!

THE FEAST!

THE FEAST!

The best of times with the best of friends!

The best of times with the best of friends!

The weekend was finished up with:

  • Another trip to the bar
  • A visit from Michigan that was long overdue, and all together too short.  But, I can’t complain, it was good to see him again. (…more about him later….)
  • A lost set of truck keys
  • Lots of catch up homework on my part

All in all it was a successful time, and now to let our bodies recover until the next party!

Dear Asshole,

Dear Asshole down the street who tried to kick my dog,

There are several things about this interaction that I would like you to know….

1. Please do not interpret my calmness and the simple uttering of, “She’s not a biter,” to mean that I understand your issue.
2. You’ll notice my 80lb dog sitting calming on the sideway with me waiting for you to control your 1lb rat.
3. You’ll notice that when YOUR dog/rat started a fight, I calming removed my dog and put her behind me.
4. You should notice that YOUR dog/rat continued to fight.

If and when this happens again, you should know a few things. My parents raised a lady, but the politeness will not continue. Also, if you attempt to kick my dog again I will punch you, kick you while you’re down, and drop kick your dog/rat across the street.

Thanks!
Scout’s Momma

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been this mad!

Yet, people want to ban large dogs, and specifically my dog (Rott Mix) because they are too violent.  Never mind that small dogs are known to be generally more vicious…….onward with the stupidity I guess we shall go!

Chapter 5: The Dare

Every once in awhile……you do something sorta stupid.  This tale of stupidity, otherwise known as My Life with the Vinyl Enthusiast, starts with a semi drunk dare in a bar.

The Background:

My people and I were out celebrating the bestie’s hubby’s birthday one night a few months ago, and she dared me to do something I stupidly suggested.  (The actual phrasing of the dare is a bit non-politically correct, and I don’t need this to be that kinda blog, so I shall rephrase slightly.)  The bestie basically dared me that I wouldn’t go up and ask a decently attractive dude, “Hey! Do you wanna dance and fight chics with me?!?!”  So….I did…..cuz it seemed like a reasonably good idea at the time.  And…. it was a reasonably good idea on how to spend a semi tipsy night at the bar! (The bestie still owes me a prize for performing the dare…..!!)

The Research:

The downfall of this came a several months later.  So, the Vinyl Enthusiast invites me out on a date.  By the time of the date, the bestie and I, in the course of our stalking discovered that he was divorced with kids……which is ya know……not on the list!  We had also discovered the reason for his nickname to which my intial thought was, “OF COURSE HE’S A VINYL ENTHUSIAST”  In a show of being open minded, and therefore more adult, I decided to go on this date.

High Fidelity.....great movie, and it becomes slightly amusing when you're life becomes dating a real like John Cusack!

High Fidelity…..great movie, and it becomes slightly amusing when you’re life becomes dating a real life John Cusack….I’m not kidding he sorta looks like John Cusack……but he’s got better hair!  The Enthusiast’s life could be this movie!

So, the first date was fine.  The second date also seemed alright……until I asked the apparently dreaded, “How old are you?” See bestie and I realized that he was older than us, which again is….fine….to a point, we just didn’t know how old.  Guys are tricky in that they have a strange ability to look much younger than they actually are.

I have a friend who knows the Enthusiast socially, and she claimed that he was “like maybe 38”.  That seemed ok….I could have rolled with that I guess.  It really did seem okay until I discovered that HE’S 41!!!!!  Luckily, I was somewhat wine tipsy when he broke the news, so I think I managed to stifle the shock and awe face fairly well…..although maybe I didn’t…..the jury is out on this.

The Results

Now……no need to panic, I’ve done that for you!  I’ve also compiled a list of reason why it might, at first glance, seem okay to date a 41 year old.

  • He owns a home and has a job!
  • He owns a super sexy, old school, muscle car.
  • You can carry on intelligent conversations.
  • He possess good dating skills….like manners, an ability to dance, and if he invites you over for dinner he’ll buy you flowers.
  • You generally live life what a motto similar to “Hold my beer, and watch this!”  What’s the worst that could happen!?
I mean I'm not a huge fan of red cars, but..... when this rolls up in your driveway, a girl stops and takes notice!

I mean I’m not a huge fan of red cars, but….. when this rolls up in your driveway, a girl stops and takes notice!

Those all seem like legitimate reasons to give something a chance…..so under bestie’s advice, and in defiance to my mother’s looks of cautious disapproval….I gave it a chance……and this is what I discovered.

  • There’s really nothing wrong with the fact that he has a house and a job……
  • His muscle car was a teenager when I was born…..more to the point……HE WAS A TEENAGER WHEN I WAS BORN!  This won’t always be apparent, but you have to stifle the urge to tell him not to parent you…..it can’t end well.
  • You maybe be able to have conversations, but they will be few and far between because he has parental responsibilities.  Even being a divorced, part time parent takes up a huge amount of time….I had no idea really.  Also, after a certain amount of time, one should ask about the wee tottlets, even if one has no desire to know much about them.  That’s just polite after all!  If you don’t ask, they will just volunteer info anyway….it’s a lost cause.
  • His good dating skills and manners will cause him to have existential crises about that status of your relationship.  This can be confusing to a twenty something who was pretty sure that “going on dates” didn’t qualify one for:
    • Meeting the children
    • Titling the relationship
    • Having generally any sort of concern about the “state of the relationship”
    • Expecting any sort of scheduled time commitments from the other person

The Conclusion:

Now, I’m clearly not a dating expert, and I believe that if you’re dating the same kinds of people all the time, you’ll probably get the same results.  Didn’t Einstein say something along that line!??  I think he did…..anyway.  I support change and the desire to try something new.  I also believe if you’re gonna go……it should be big or you should go home.  However, I would suggest based on the evidence that maybe the 27:41 age gap is a bit too much gap.  Idk, maybe that’s just me…..

Side Note

It’s shaping up to be a pretty epic party weekend around here.  Expect another picture blog to document the adventure!

Makeup Shaming….Could We Just Stop Please!?

I know I’ve already written a blog that vaguely addressed this issue, but since it’s become popular again I decided to revisit the issue.  I’m not sure what everyone’s problem with makeup is lately, but they should probably just get over it! People have recently started #makeupshaming on Instagram, and the other night I was bored and decided to lend my face to the cause.  The basic premise is that women can use makeup as a tool to present themselves however they want to the world.  Granted, my phone takes horrible pictures, and I’m in no way a professional makeup artists, but here’s me with and without makeup.  Equally fine either way, but sometimes you just want a contour and some fake eyelashes!

Should have maybe gone with a colored lip....but I do love me a good nude lippy!

Should have maybe gone with a colored lip….but I do love me a good nude lippy!

Just me!

Just me!

Now I understand men being annoyed about it….I mean let’s be real for a minute.  If a guy wakes up looking like butt, that’s the best he’s gonna look for the whole day.  If I wake up wearing the battle scars of the party the night before, I can fix that shit.  A little bit of concealer and some mascara go a long, long way my friends!  (I would argue that guys always wake up good looking…..it’s magic/science/voodoo that I do not and will never understand) PS- I’m not saying guys can’t or shouldn’t wear makeup….you do you boos!  Generally speaking, makeup is more popular with women….that’s all I’m saying!

....I really think this face speaks for itself....

….I really think this face speaks for itself….

Women bashing other women for running around in makeup is something I can’t understand.  We all face enough problems in life without having to deal with crap from each other about eye shadow!  Can’t we all just rally together and be supportive?!?!  If I get up and put on makeup every day I do it for myself….it’s my me time, my chance to make myself into the best self I can be that day, and my time to drink coffee and dance to Pandora in my bathroom!  If I don’t put makeup on, it’s because I slept in….or I just didn’t care….or I slept in because I didn’t care.

Don't hate the player....hate the game! #makeupshaming #samepersondifferentmood

Don’t hate the player….hate the game! #makeupshaming #samepersondifferentmood

I was told I was too vain the other day, because I showed up for a bike ride with straight hair and makeup on.  Earth to the world….I didn’t get all glammed up to workout, but I’m certainly not gonna take the time to un-glam to work out either.  I look the way I look on the daily because I wanted to look that way.  Yes, it might be because I want to make a good impression, in this case it was because we were being audited at work.  I run errands with or with out makeup…..my life is my life, and my makeup is something I use to accent that life when I want to.

On an unrelated side note….I went on a date last night….it seems promising….I’ll keep you posted! 🙂