Chapter 15: The Ghost of Batman

Since I have somewhat depressingly become a single, twenty something again that means the return of dating.  As much as I hate dating, I’m often reminded that prince charming is not going to just spontaneously arrive at my front door and therefore….I need to sometimes leave the comfort of my couch.  After all…..

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Since I’m trying to be good with the budget, and since I’m saving lots of pennies for a major purchase…. 🙂 ….. I decided to give Tinder another whirl.  Why….why do we keep doing things we know are stupid in the hopes that “Oh, maybe it’s mystically gotten better!”  It hasn’t…..please don’t go conduct your own research, I’m here to do that for you.  I present to you….the steps you should follow on tinder to avoid this kind of situation in your life!

However, one night, I thought I had found the mystical tinder unicorn!  He was tall, good looking, never been married, well educated, no kids…….was looking promising.  We started texting and things seemed to be going well.  He’s funny, clever, easy to have a conversation with, and didn’t have bad grammar.  Note to dudes of the world…..maybe try and be on your best grammatical behavior the first few texts?  I know I make grammar and typo errors…..but I’ve gotten some tinder messages that are almost down right unreadable!

What u up to

–Because adding in atleast an ‘r’ and a ‘?’ was gonna be way too much effort…..

Hey how it goin

–Oh ya know…..it’s going….away from you!

So, “Batman” and I texted for a few days and decided that we should go out and get drinks.  I will point out that at this point I knew he had gotten a Batman robe for Christmas, but he said it was from his brother and I just figured it was some kind of gag gift or like White Elephant thing or whatever…..because ya know….I just made assumptions.  Step 1: Never make assumptions.

So Date Day arrived.  I was excited, the girls at work were excited.  And then….he cancelled.  This almost immediately sent us into a flurry of online research trying to learn more about him.  I’d like to say that we are all twenty something girls and that’s just what we’ve been conditioned to do in the face of adversity, but our office manager….who sorta led the charge…..isn’t a twenty something.  But she has two twenty something kids so that makes her an honorary member?!  I think yes!

In googling, we discovered his ex girlfriend.  We also discovered that his ex girlfriend had been at Christmas with his family.  (This occurred the week between Christmas and New Years)  Needless to say, we dug pretty deep around Facebook, and found out some less than stellar things.  Everyone told me to leave it alone but I, being the somewhat bitchy, no bullshit, and impatient person that I am, sent the girl a Facebook message.  Now many of you don’t know, but it takes me maybe 7-9 mins to get from the office back to my house.  Before I had even made it home, she had texted him and he had texted me all pissy that I had talked to her.  Well……maybe don’t be on Tinder when you’re cuddled up to your ex girlfriend in your Facebook profile picture?!?  It doesn’t give off the “I’m single and ready to mingle” sorta vibe to say the least.  I figured that was the end of us talking, lost another one to being an asshole, and moved on with life.  Step 2:  Always trust your gut.

I didn’t think much of him until I was on my way to see my cousins for New Years Eve.  I started getting texts from him about how he was really a nice guy,he wasn’t trying to lead anyone on or be sneaky, he’s totally single and she’s seeing someone else, and he was sorry for the misunderstanding.  Against my better judgment, and in total disregard of Step 2, I agreed to meet him for drinks New Years Day night.  I was home alone after having to cut my weekend cousin party short due to weather anyway…..might as well go out and do something right?!

Show up for drinks….he’s in a super hero t-shirt.  Granted he does have a button down over the top of it, but you can still see the super hero beneath.  Now in talking to him I had started to realize that he was a big fan of the super hero, and I mean we all have to have our thing.  But……really…..on a first date?!  While on the date I also discovered that he has the Batman symbol tattooed on his wrist.  Couple thoughts…..I find that to be a very feminine place to get a tattoo, possibly just because I know a lot of girls with tattoos there and not very many guys, and second……why Batman?!  I don’t know a ton about super hero and comics and whatever but isn’t Batman considered to be sorta the dud amongst them?!?  Someone more well versed in these things can feel free to offer up opinions and explanations.

The date went well…..or so I thought.  He was pretty much as expected; tall, good looking, funny, clever, he kept up drink for drink with me which is impressive, well educated, and well traveled.  We basically only left the bar because they were closing down and we had to leave.  I wasn’t even home yet when he texted saying what a great time he had and how he wanted to see me again.  A couple texts later we had agreed to meet again Wednesday night.  Nothing specific, just pencilled in Wednesday night plans.  This all seemed well and good….UNTIL I NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN! Step 3:  If they have to apologize and tell you they aren’t an asshole before you’ve even met them….they are probably an asshole!

Now, I’d understand if we had gone on a date and he just wasn’t feeling it and we never went out again.  That’s cool, it happens….no big deal what so ever.  But why would you ever go out of your way to make second date plans with someone and then just fall off a cliff?!  What even is the point of that?!  I suppose much like “How many licks does it take to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop?” the answer is of course, “The world may never know….”

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A Series of Unfortunate Failures

It hasn’t been a great week here at Casa Mishappenings.  For a whole plethora of reasons, this week has just kicked my ass.  Scout was sick, like really quite sick, I’m sick, work was…..challenging.

Here’s a numerical ranking of the ways in which this week has been less than ideal.

  • Piles of puppy puke cleaned – 8
  • Hours spent reanalyzing and recalculating data at work that the customer decided they didn’t want anyway – 7
  • Hours spent in pointless meetings at work when I could have been doing my actual work – 6
  • Hours spent upside down….on my head….with a cold….installing baseboard in my bathroom – 5 (Mostly due to the fact that I’m quite sure it would have been faster to remove my toilet and then reinstall it than try to piece together moldings in the tiny toilet nook.)
  • Pots of tea made in an attempt to destuff my nose – 4
  • Doses of cold medicine taken – 3
  • Misfired nails needing to be removed from woodwork – 2
  • Drill bits broken off in woodwork never to be seen again – 1

It’s been like the 12 Days of Christmas around here….only with failures!

Some weeks I guess you just can’t win.

Chapter 13: The Blog I Thought I’d Never Have to Write

I never thought I’d have to write this blog.  I’ve written blogs like this before, but I never thought I would have to write one about this person…..Main Squeeze…..

 

I wrote the title and the first line 2 months ago, and then I just sat on it.  I waited in the hopes of not burning a bridge, I waited hoping that things would change, and we would get better.  I waited thinking that if you had love everything else would eventually fall into place.  I waited thinking that a connection as strong as and instant as we had had to mean something.

I was wrong

For two months I fought everyday to hold on to feelings and a love that I thought could get us through anything.  I knew I couldn’t make him love me, but he swore that he did, and he promised that a life with me was what he wanted.  He was my person, he was the one I turned to to make things better, and even now I just want him to tell me that things will be ok.

For two months I waited.  Waited to feel like I mattered to him again, mattered more than just a text message, or a random phone call.  Waited for him to decide that he wanted to see me, and that things would go back to how they had always been.  In the moments were it all felt hopeless he would talk to me, and we would talk about how we were feeling and how much we loved each other and it felt like we’d turn a corner…….but the corner was never a corner, just a ring.

For two months we talked everyday.  He told me how much he wanted to fix things and that we were going to work on things to be better together.  And for two months I believed him, I trusted that we wanted the same thing, and I had hope that things would be ok.  After one ruined vacation with him, he told me he wanted to go on vacation with my family, and I trusted him.  I invited him to spend time with my family even though I had never met his.

For two months I poured my whole heart into something that couldn’t have been more of a lie.

Yesterday he told me that he’s no longer in love with me, but that he still loves me.  Yesterday he told me that we have nothing in common, because I don’t love sports the way he does.  Yesterday he told me he no longer could see me in his future, because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship like we had.

In that moment, everything felt like it was crumbling.  I had known things weren’t perfect, and I knew we were nearing the end, but to have it happen all over again was something I just wasn’t ready for.  I had woke up Friday morning knowing that he wasn’t going to come see me for the weekend like he promised. I don’t know how or why any of this caught me off guard and made me feel so helpless, but it did.  To have to listen to him say those things after finding so much comfort the night before in him saying that I was the girl he wanted and that we weren’t fizzling out, it was crushing.

I don’t even know how to feel…..

 

Sometimes Life Just Hurts

I am hurt, I am heart broken, I’m exhausted, and I just need to regroup.

 

Times like these, you’re reminded who your real friends are. They are the ones who drive an hour to meet you for lunch because you’re too exhausted to go to the gym. The ones who text to make sure you aren’t sitting at home alone on a Friday night, and the ones who welcome you, spur of the moment, into their own plans with family and friends because your world came to a crashing halt. The family and friends who try to help salvage a ruined vacation, and who make sure you eat because they know you wouldn’t otherwise.

 

This weekend, while everyone is celebrating freedom and an extra day off work, I’m trying to recollect myself and celebrating my friends and family who have never, ever let me down.

Things Oily Girls Know to be True

Sometimes it’s hard to be an oily girl in the wonderful world of makeup.  While the majority of your friends are struggling to find a decent moisturizer, your off buying stock in blotting papers and praying your eyeliner stays were it belongs!  As an oily girl, I feel your struggle!!  I thought it would be fun to have some of my favorite makeup artists and YouTube stars help explain the struggle.  They have better facial expressions than I ever could hope for, plus they are pros who just know how to get the job done!  You can admire their flawless makeup while you contemplate the struggles!  Hopefully, these make you giggle…….whether you’re oily or not!  In order of appearance:

Jaclyn Hill

Alex Faction

Manny MUA

Patrick Starr

Jeffree Star

  • When you’re friends are raving about a new highlighter, but you know if you tried it, you’d end up looking like you rubbed all the body glitter off a stripper…..with your face!tumblr_nfgbppEtyB1tzetfco4_500

 

  • This list of products you trust on your (probably) acne prone skinFullSizeRender

 

  • When you realize that other people’s makeup stays on their face…..where they want it……all day….until they take it off

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  • When you want to follow this philosophical advice, but it’s hard given the amount of eyeshadow primer you have to used2f143c22a3fa0b052dbf859d8e9e8b3

 

  • When you know you’ve gotta treat your face like a doughnut, and powder that baby into submissionhM0Px8

 

  • When your cleansing routine will make or break your lifeFullSizeRender (1)

 

  • When you know that strategic lighting will minimize that oil slick shine

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  • When you buy….and then bathe in setting sprays hoping for small miraclesWyDYAZ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • When your friends start shopping for wrinkle creams, and you can finally feel the balance of power shifting in your directionFullSizeRender (2)

 

  • When you look matte for the first 10-20 magical minutes and it’s got you feeling yourselfmaxresdefault

 

  • The way you’re afraid your makeup might look by the end of a particularly oily dayFullSizeRender

 

  • When you get excited about a new product and then you hear, “If you have oily skin…..you’re probably not going to like this.”1280x720-7MB

 

  • When you find a magical product that stays on flawlessly all dayFullSizeRender_2

 

  • When you know you can always justify buying more lip products, because they will never betray youjs2

Blue Jean Blues, Fake Flannel, and a Graduation Goal

UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Why, why, why, must buying blue jeans be one of life’s greatest mysteries?  I don’t understand why guys can walk in anywhere, grab a pair of jeans, and everything is fine.  With all of our scientific and technological advances, you’d think we could transfer that “magic” to women’s jeans!?  Even if you think you know what you want…..nothing will ever fit you like you think it should.

I’m size mouse at Gap, and size walrus as H&M. Make up your *$% damn minds!”

On a side note….go watch all of Matt Bellassi’s Whine About It videos. They are hilarious. He’s like my gay, drunk spirit animal! He totally understands my feelings on life!

Last night, Momma and I tried on 9 pairs of jeans between us.  All of the jean styles I ordered I have previously worn….do you think that any of them fit……well….yes and no.  Yes, they all technically fit, but for some reason The Buckle decided to change their denim blend to that lovely early 2000’s super stretch!  Ugh, high school me would have been super amped, adult me is sorta less enthused.  Momma ended up with a couple new pairs, most of her’s were ruled out due to length, although one horrible pair was way too big, bad, and bulky in the hip area.

This week I also ordered an oversized flannel hoodie off the interwebs.  I was super excited until I received it, and realized it was an awful polyester/acrylic blend.  Ugh…..that’s not what flannel is!  Flannel is supposed to be soft….and glorious…..and warm…..and make you want to curl up with cider, in your boots, on a crispy fall day.  This on the other hand is sorta itchy, feels waxy, isn’t all that warm, and if I kept it would most likely hang ignored in my closet.  Luckily, Momma came to the rescue measuring and sketching a pattern.  Then she did find an actual pattern for a pajama shirt that is actually the same size.  It will need some slight modifications, but I think it will do the trick very nicely.  Momma rescue for the win!!  

Sex and the City taught us many things….I should have remembered this life lesson!

Yesterday, on the drive down to Momma’s, I decided that when I graduate with my Master’s I’m going to buy myself a boat.  The family that bought our Sea Jet has her out at the marina, in a slip, and they appear to be spending lots of time out on her.  Which makes me happy, but also super jealous.  So, to deal with this I’m going to buy myself a new Sunfish.  Graduation will be the perfect time too…..just in time for summertime funtime!  Time to commence a more stringent budget I guess……