Trying Some New Things

You may remember a few weeks ago when I was ranting about feeling like a chubby panda.  Well, I decided to take a positive step towards at least feeling like I’m getting myself back on track, and I bought some protein powder.  Technically speaking, I bought some collagen peptides, but at it’s core, collagen is a protein.  It’s a protein source many people ignore now, because we don’t need to cook and eat every part of an animal anymore.  Modern society has allowed us to pick and choose what we want to eat, but modern choices aren’t necessary what our bodies need or want to function well.  It makes me feel “fitter”, but that might only be because I know lots of cross fitters and fitness bloggers use this particular brand.

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I’m not really living a strict Whole 30 life, I still like a sprinkling of cheese on a taco or an occasional drink, however overall I’m being much more mindful of what I’m putting into my system and the effects my diet has on the way I feel and look.  I do think it’s made a big impact, and if chugging some greens and adding collagen into my coffee helps me be more mindful of everything else, then so be it.

Throwing a scoop of the collagen into my morning coffee, whether it’s hot or cold, with a splash of unsweetened coconut milk has become my daily breakfast.  I might supplement it with some fruit, but I find that the added protein is enough most days.  It’s flavorless, so I’ve tried to convince The Engineer to add some to his Moscow mules….he’s not having it.  I’ve also blended it into smoothies with flax seed, greek yogurt, and whatever frozen fruit has been laying around.  Really, I think you could add it to anything.  I did learn that even though it dissolves in cold solutions, it needs to be stirred quickly.  One morning I threw a scoop with some ice into my travel mug and had the Ninja “Brew Over Ice”.  Since I wasn’t there to stir it, it did start to form a sort of jello-y blob that took quite a bit of vicious stirring to break up.

The Beauty Greens have taken some getting used to, but now I find that I don’t mind them really at all.  First things first, don’t let the “Coconut Vanilla” flavor make you think they are going to taste like anything….because they don’t.  They honestly taste like a bunch of green veggies that have been steamed and pureed with no spices.  Just….greenness….  I don’t recommend smelling them, they smell a bit like pond water.  I promise that they taste much better than they smell, but the smell leaves serious things to be desired.  I usually drink these with lunch every other day.  It’s just become part of my routine.  I’m not sure that they are doing much for me, but it’s not like more veggies and vitamins ever hurt anyone.

I’ve only taken the vitamin pills a few times.  I wasn’t really after more vitamin pills, but it was cheaper to get the bundle pack.  Plus, it’s not like having vitamins around hurts anyone.  I did take them one morning, but like most vitamins do, they sort of made my tummy upset.  I think if I took them at night I would be fine, but I’d also have to remember to take them.

Like I said, I’m not sure that any of these products are helping me slim down.  Granted, protein has been shown to be an important part of weight loss, so that might be helping some.  Mostly, just having a set routine and knowing I’m taking these products has kept me more responsible and thoughtful about what I eat the rest of the day.  Starting off my day with collagen coffee seems silly if I’m just gonna pound down ice cream, snacks, and a burger later in the day.  Not that I always say no to these things, but I’m just getting myself back to a level that feels good and sustainable to me.  Bodies are a constant work in progress, so I’m not sure that the work is ever really done, but I definitely feel like I’m headed down the right path again.

In more fun, and less “diet-y” news….I got my nails done last weekend!  Technically, I got them done for a wedding…..The Engineer wanted to send me for some fancy pampering while he was doing Best Man things for a wedding.  I’ve been having some trouble with getting my regular gel polish nails to stay bonded correctly.  It has it’s pros and cons…..pros being I no longer have to spend anytime soaking off my polish, it just peels right off.  Cons….when I want/need it to stay looking nice it almost never does.  To try and remedy this, I tried a new acrylic/gel system called Slickpour.  You’ve maybe seen the videos of people dipping their nails into colored powders.  It’s the same concept, only at my local salon, they pour the powder onto the nails.

I tried to find a good picture or gif of the process, but I couldn’t really.  I didn’t want to just post the stock videos of the process as that seemed just sorta boring.  Basically it’s a laying process of colored powered and activator polishes.  I did a very light blue, so it needed three coats to cover well, although that apparently isn’t the norm.  My salon topped the whole process with the gel polish top coat, but that isn’t a requirement, it’s just how they do it there.  They are supposed to last 3-4 weeks and wear more like an acrylic set of nails than just a polish.  Once you’re done with them, you’re supposed to just be able to file off the shine and then wrap and soak them off just like regular gel polish.  So far so good I guess, although I did have the corner of one of my longer nails crack yesterday.  However, I was able to file everything down and even it all out and there doesn’t seem to be any lasting bad effects.  They aren’t lifting, and my nails feel much stronger than they normally would at their current length.  I’m only a week in, but so far I like them.  I like them enough that I might even consider buying the products so I can do them at home.  I’m not much for paying people to do what I learn and do myself.  I’ll keep you posted though I’m sure!

Old Stores and New Favorites

Being gone from home lately has given me the chance to shop at some fun places we don’t have at home.  Lush, which I can order online but that’s less fun because you can’t smell through your computer, and Trader Joe’s are a couple of my favorite shopping destinations when I go to “the big city”.

Since I went to a actual Lush store twice the other week…..maybe we will start there!  My primary motivation at Lush the first time down in Omaha was getting a fun variety of bath time things for Lil B’s birthday present.  It was a super fast power shopping trip because we were on the way to The Engineer’s PE celebration dinner with his family.  Actually, his sister just dropped me off and circled the parking lot…..ain’t nobody have time to find parking at Village Point!  However, they had just released a new body wash scent, and I was super excited to try it.  Mostly because my favorite scent, Lord of Misrule, is a seasonal scent and smells more like fall and winter than it does spring and summer.  Enter…..Plum Rain!

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It’s fruity, but in a dark, adult sorta way.  That probably doesn’t make sense, but it doesn’t smell like childish tutti fruity gum.  Not that there is in anyway anything wrong with that tutti fruity Fruit Stripe gum.  Actually, there is something wrong…..it’s nearly impossible to find anymore, and the flavor doesn’t last as long as I want……however I’m getting side tracked.  I find that this fragrance, compared to other Lush body washes I’ve tried, lasts much longer.  I don’t ever remember smelling Lord of Misrule or The Olive Branch on myself post shower, but Plum Rain has a nice light amount of scent that seems to cling to me.  I think this scent has been available for some time in the UK, so I’m glad I can finally get my hands on it.  I think Plum Rain and Lord of Misrule, fingers crossed they bring it back again, will be my all the time go to scents.

The second trip to Lush was more of a casual shopping stop.  A coworker and I were in Minneapolis for a conference, we just got there a little early so we could shop!  She has two little girls who love the Lush bubble bars, so we stopped in so she could restock.  While wandering around the store I found a new body scrub and figured I’d give it a try.

 

I’ve tried the Ocean Salt scrub before, and just thought a change would be nice.  However, I’m not in love with the Rub Rub Rub scent.  I got a little bit of scent overload in the store, but thought that I would like this.  Once I got home, it’s a little too flowery for my liking.  I mean, it’s not bad, just not something I’d choose again.  I defiantly find the Ocean Salt scent to be more refreshing and neutral.  However, I do like that Rub Rub Rub has some bubble to it.  Scrub and body wash in one is a hard combo to beat.  Honestly, if they offered it in another scent I would be all about trying it.

Big city shopping trip number two was Trader Joe’s.  I feel like people who have Trader Joe’s near them don’t appreciate them the way they should….they are amazeballs!  The only down side is that I’m always traveling when I’m at one, so I can’t really explore the frozen or fresh sections of the store.  All that untapped potential!!

Since I have to mostly purchase dry goods…..I stick mostly to snackies.

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So in looking for a picture of my peanut butter pretzels I discovered I just grabbed the wrong color bag.  THE RED BAG IS UNSALTED!  Not that unsalted, peanut butter pretzels are the worst thing, but they certainly aren’t the best thing either.  They will definitely leave you feeling like they are missing something…..SALT…..but are a good snack to have around anyway.  I don’t love peanut butter, and these aren’t over powering…..although next time I will for sure be grabbing the BLUE BAG!

Since The Engineer was home watching the tiny, furry, terrorist, I thought he could use a couple yummy presents.  Since he pretty much eats what I eat, it wasn’t too hard coming up with some must have items.

 

I had previously grabbed a BBQ sauce here in town that’s a little too on the hot side for The Engineer.  We haven’t tried the Kentucky bourbon sauce yet, but reading over the ingredients doesn’t lead one to believe that it will be super hot.  We made some chicken, pepper, and pineapple hobo grill pouches a couple weeks ago and it should go well with that when we make them again.  The ginger beer was a fairly obvious choice.  However, in googling ways to reign in our budgets I was curious about the difference between ginger beer and ginger ale.  Turns out one is brewed and one is not, but all my research seemed to say that if you weren’t buying sorta artisanal, hipster, still cloudy in the bottle ginger beer…..it probably isn’t all that different from ginger ale.  All that is to say that I bought some ginger ale to make mules with….and he hated it.  So, since the Trader Joe’s bottles said “brewed” and it looked a little cloudy I figured it was worth trying.  I haven’t tried it, but The Engineer did.  I’m not sure that he was wowed enough by it for us to stock pile it, but it was probably a nice change from the diet stuff I usually keep in the house.

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Since I was going to be spending long days sitting at a conference with limited and generally crappy coffee, I grabbed a couple of these little guys to get me through the morning.  Plus side, they are small cans so they tucked right into my wristlet.  Down side, they are small…and a small coffee is never super ideal.  Some coffee is always better than no coffee though!

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My last Trader Joe’s purchase was a couple RX bars.  Basically, they are a quick and easy meal or snack bar, but they are are free from any extra junk.  My coworker likes them, and started eating them because most of the flavors are Whole 30 compliant.  So, I decided to give a couple a shot.  It’s always good to have a quick and easy grab and go something laying around the house.  I tried the Coconut Chocolate and the Chocolate Sea Salt.  I was anticipating that the Chocolate Sea Salt would be my least favorite, but I was wrong.  I’m generally not a huge fan of chocolate, but those I would definitely purchase again.  I’m on the fence about the coconut.  It wasn’t good…..but it also wasn’t bad.  The main win about buying these at Trader Joe’s is that they are WAY CHEAPER than I can purchase them here in town.  I believe that the bars were $1.60ish a piece at Joe’s……here at my local grocery store they are ALMOST $4!!!.  Get your crap together Hyvee!!!!

I also picked up a couple staples……the english toffee and the roasted tomatillo and mango salsa…..so good!  I grab them every time I go.  Hopefully, now that I’m headed down to the Omaha area more often with The Engineer, I’ll be able to hit up Lush and Trader Joe’s more often and keep trying some fun new things.  Life is too short to not try new things!

Puppy Problems and Other Random Events

Lil B came to visit!!!

It was a great long weekend!  Plenty of drinks and good food….with some homework sprinkled in for good measure.  Thursday night we watched the BFB and the Hubby in Law play volleyball.  Actually B, ended up playing too.  Thank goodness they didn’t need two extra girls because my sport skills are probably not where they should be.  After volleyball came dinner and drinks.  B discovered Ace Pineapple Cider, and that might be one of her new favorites.  Over the weekend she also discovered Moscow mules…..because The Engineer and I are mule people after all.  Friday, B and I did homework while everyone else went to work or slept after their night at work.  We had a big family dinner of spicy chicken tacos at BFB’s house Friday night.

Sadly, Saturday wasn’t very warm.  We had visions of going to the pool, but the wind made that sort of miserable.  I mean we went……but it was less than stellar.  Had the wind been calmer I think we would have been fine…..but it was gusty enough that it was moving lounge chairs around the deck.

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Bikinis and blankets…..dedication!

 

Saturday night we had another big family dinner at BFB’s house to celebrate Lil B’s birthday last week.  Steak with shrimp and alfredo anyone?!  The Hubby in Law makes a restaurant quality pan seared steak and it’s always a nice treat.  It’s usually our ‘super fancy’ celebratory dinner.  Generally, we celebrate at home anymore.  No one has to tipsy drive home, and between all of us we can cook pretty much anything we would want to order at a restaurant anyway.

Sunday was a lazy and casual morning brunch on my patio before B had to take off for home.  The only person who didn’t get the lazy memo was Scout.  Even though she had spent all weekend with everyone, apparently the excitement was just too much for her.  In a confused state of panic about whether to sit outside with everyone or follow BFB to the bathroom…..she ran full speed into the screen door and plowed right through it!  Ughs……needless to say I was a rather annoyed Fur Momma.  Eventually The Engineer and I did get it bent back, put back in it’s track, and it’s mostly functioning like it did before.

Scout-a-Roo rounded off her naughty weekend by eating my newest bikini bottoms.  The bikini isn’t exactly new, I bought it last year before that vacation that will not be named, but I like the way it makes my ass-ests and twins look, and it’s only been wet maybe twice….so I was way less than amped.  Thankfully, I found an identical pair of replacement bottoms on Ebay so I just have to wait for them to be delivered.  Since Victoria’s Secret is no longer making swim suits, I maybe should shop around Ebay for a couple new ones before they become impossible to find commodities.  Of course, how many bikinis does a nearly thirty year old need?  Not like I get to put in that much quality pool/beach time anymore really.  Adulting sucks the fun right outta everything!

Speaking of the Scout-a-Roo….she got to spend the first part of the week living her best puppy life with The Engineer.  I was in Minneapolis Monday through Wednesday for the annual Fuel Ethanol Workshop.  Don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness that was me going up there to sit and hand out swag in an expo booth for 3 days….but whatever I guess.  The Engineer agreed to puppy-sitting duties….probably mostly because my house as central AC and his apartment does not.  I think she likes him better than me anyway.  Come to think of it….maybe she ate my swim suit out of anger because she’s now forced to hangout with me again.

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Well that’s a weird good morning picture…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The morning snackie routine doesn’t stop just cuz Momma is gone!

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He always gets the best cuddles……I still just get butt cuddles……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Pretty sure this is just her “Is it dinner time yet?!” face……

 

Father’s Day Again

This is my first Father’s Day without a Grandpa or my Dad living. It’s a little strange that my family ties don’t go back to a patriarchal figure anymore. Day to day life goes on, but it’s strange when you stop to think about it.

I never really know what to say  on days like today. It’s a weird feeling, and it’s hard to express, but slowly I’ve come to terms with it.

I know the pain and loss will always be there, it comes out as a random outburst of angry tears that happens every year around this time of year. It’s the annoyance at Father’s Day commercials and sales, and listening to people complain and whine about the struggles of finding a good gift. It’s always there simmering away, but some days it’s easy easier to control that others.

At the risk of posting photos I’ve already posted before, I thought I would share pictures of my Dad just being my Dad.

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Miss you always.

Pirate Bunnies : Murder, Pillage, and Plunder

The Engineer and I planted a garden!  Most years I’ve just planted a few veggie plants in patio pots.  This year, we went all out with an actual dug in garden!  I had been meaning to get this done for a couple years, but I’m lazy and didn’t have a solid plan to deal with the sod once I dug it all up.  Cue…The Engineer’s truck!  He maybe drove around with a slightly soggy, boggy situation in the truck bed for a week…..but I offered to help him get rid of it and he wasn’t feeling my initial dump off location!

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The prime location!

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Day 1 progress…..The Engineer is good with a shovel, and I’m a good sod puller!

We got really ambitious after getting the HOA board’s approval.  It seemed like a nice early warm spring, so we got to work right away with visions of epic gardening in our heads.  Well….idk about his head, but in my brain I was going to have a big garden with lots of happy plants that would supply me with tasty snacks and food all summer long.

The sooner you start the sooner you get to eat yea!?

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There were a few days when I started to question garden placement…..things got a bit soupy.  Also….notice the mostly dead spirea that I eventually dug out.  Extreme gardening happening at Casa Miss Happenings! Slowly, the swamp dried out and we got everything tilled and planted.  It turns out that the soil in my yard is mostly clay, so I ended up adding several bags of top soil into the garden.  I didn’t buy great soil, actually….I bought the cheapest kind Menards has.  This was maybe a bad choice?!  I’m not sure, we will find out……live and learn I guess.

The years crop included  4 tomato plants, 3 varying pepper plants, two large rows of green beans, and some spaghetti squash.  I also planted a pot of kale and mixed lettuce, a pot of kohlrabis, and two pots of herbs which include two different types of basil, thyme, and oregano.    I also have two decorative pots of pansies and petunias.  I hate petunias….but they are what grows here so whatever I guess.  Everything seemed like it was coming together….and then disaster struck!

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Remember how I said we started early because things seemed warm and happy and springish?!  Well……I maybe got a bit over ambitious.  I ended up loosing my first batch of tomato plants because I forgot to bring them into the garage during one of our spring cold snaps.  So…..there was that!

2017 Plant Deaths — A Running List

  • 3 Cherry Tomato Plants

Tomato plants are cheap, so I quickly rebounded from that initial downfall.  Everything really seemed like it was coming together…..I had gotten the dead spirea dug up and thrown into the back of The Engineer’s truck.  One night we may or may not have driven out into the country and tossed the plant and the leftover small pieces of sod into a ditch.  The large chunks of sod went to a coworker’s new house while they await landscaping….her dog needed a pee patch!  Sometimes The Engineer and I like to do “dirt kid hood rat things”….actually, that might have been our first ‘delinquent’ move together. The couple the dumps sod together stays together?!

After we conquered the sod and dead tomato issues…..came the bunnies.  Fucking herds of spicy pepper loving bunnies.  The Engineer even talked to some guys who gardens at his work and they assured him that bunnies are no problem because they don’t like the spicy peppers.  Well……the bunnies in my yard ate my peppers from spiciest to mildest.  I’m not sure what they says about them……but I’m sure if you ate one they would be well spiced and delicious!

2017 Plant Deaths — A Running List

  • 3 Cherry Tomato Plants
  • 1.5 (approximation based on remaining growing time) Pepper Plants

To combat the herds of capsaicin loving furry woodland creatures, we had to build emergency fences around all the pepper plants.  All 3 of the initial plants survived, but the banana pepper took the hardest beating.  He’s trying really hard to recover and grow, but I’m afraid he won’t make it before winter comes.  The Engineer decreed that a flowering and fruiting banana pepper plant was a garden requirement, so we bought a new one and transplanted in where the abused plant sat.  We moved the little abused one into the corner and gave him a protective cage.  He’s starting to leaf out slightly, but when you’ve been eaten down to a 3 inch stump in the ground….you’ve got a lot of growing to catch up on in a short growing season!

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Maybe if we have a winter like this…..my abused pepper plant could recover fully.

Everything seemed to be going along well for a couple weeks…..and then disaster struck again!  The bunnies attacked and murdered my pot of kohlrabi……just murdered them and threw their tattered and torn leaves all over the back yard.  Honestly, I’m not even sure why I even bothered to plant a pot of kohlrabi…..last year they didn’t grow at all!  Well….I mean they grew leaves…..but I didn’t end up with the desired, baseball shaped orb of deliciousness.  Round two seemed to be growing well this summer, so I thinned the plants to create more growing room.  Then……as if they sensed the vulnerability in smaller numbers….the bunnies made a night attack!  Ughs…….

2017 Plant Deaths — A Running List

  • 3 Cherry Tomato Plants
  • 1.5 (approximation based on remaining growing time) Pepper Plants
  • 5 Kohlrabi Sprouts

I watered the pot for a couple days, but none of the thinned out roots looked like they were going to take off again.  I ended up planting a few rows of kohlrabi seeds at the front of the garden, and I’ll just have to wait and see what comes of those.  Funny thing…..we actually bought a new pepper plant for the pot of soil because we thought that the bunnies had somehow gotten under the protective fence on my abused little banana pepper and finished him off.  We pouted around for a couple days thinking we had been out maneuvered by some bunnies…..only to discover that the little guy had gotten covered over by some dirt!

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We also replaced several plants around my property with boxwood plants.  We dug up 3 sad little day lilies and a decorative grass out of the front yard bed and replaced them all with tiny, little baby boxwoods.  We had to drive all over town one weekend to find four matching boxwoods….but I love them.  Boxwood just has a particular smell that reminds me of vacations to Virginia, they are always green, they are low maintenance, and look like something, and mostly they are just my jam.  Don’t know what to plant…..why not a boxwood?!  I also replaced the mostly dead spirea with a slightly larger boxwood….hahah cuz of course I did!

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2017 Plant Deaths — A Running List

  • 3 Cherry Tomato Plants
  • 1.5 (approximation based on remaining growing time) Pepper Plants
  • 5 Kohlrabi Sprouts
  • Various Flowers, Lettuce, and Kale Leaves

Last night we had a pretty major storm, and I was pretty nervous about the survival of all of my veggies.  I’m happy to report that everything survived the wind, hail, and rain.  Now, if I can just keep the bunnies away from the beans and my lettuce we will be all good in the hood!

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Squash and two happy little bean rows…..who’s getting excited for veggies?!?!?

Quick Costco Enchiladas

A couple weeks ago, The Engineer and I bought some Good Foods jalapeño artichoke dip from Costco.  By some, I of course mean a Costco sized amount……33 oz.  It wasn’t really the best for just eating….flavor wise, but it got me thinking that it might work to make some enchiladas.  Yesterday we made a trip to Costco to gather up the rest of the necessary supplies.  It was our first actual “shopping” trip to Costco.  We had been before, but yesterday involved a cart and an actual list!  We looked like actual adults who know what they are doing in life…..it was amazeballs.

I made them today and they were good….and easy….which was ideal because I spent most of the day being a bit on the hungover side of life.  Apparently last nights concert was just a bit too much for me.  Since I’d never made them before, and we were trying to use up some dip we didn’t like I wasn’t sure they would turn out.  I didn’t take any pictures of the process, but honestly it’s easy enough you don’t need much in the way of instructions.

THE THINGS YOU’LL NEED

  • 1 Rotisserie Chicken
  • Jalapeño Artichoke Dip
  • Half an Onion
  • Shredded Cheese
  • Tortillas (about 10)
  • 2 4oz cans of diced green chilies
  • 2 cans of red enchilada sauce
  • Garlic Powder
  • Cayenne Pepper
  • Paprika
  • Chile Powder
  • Salt and Pepper

First things first, you’ll need to shred the chicken.  I removed the skin and then just ripped the meat into bite sized pieces, but there’s no need to be too specific about anything.  Place all the chicken into a large bowl so that the other ingredients can be added to it and mixed well.  After you have the chicken shredded up, add approximately half of the jalapeño artichoke dip.  I didn’t measure as I added, but it was 4 large dollops……enough to sort of moisten everything and get it to combine.  It ended up being about half of the container of dip.  Dice half of an onion and throw that in the mix as well as the two drained cans of diced chilies.  At this point, you can season to taste…..I ended up adding maybe 1.5 teaspoons of garlic, cayenne, and paprika, maybe 1.5 tablespoons of chili powder, and a good amount of salt and pepper.  The Engineer thought they were a bit hot, I thought they were good….so just season to your own taste.  He also decided that he wanted to add some shredded cheese into the mix as well….so we stirred in maybe half a cup.

This can be prepped ahead of time.  I just threw the bowl in the fridge and let everything sit and combine together for most of the day while we napped, watched Netflix, and attempted to recover.

To assemble, spray a 9×13 glass baking dish with non-stick spray.  Scoop a generous amount of the chicken and cheese mixture into the center of a tortilla.  Roll and place into the baking dish.  We fit 9 tortillas into the baking dish, but it was a bit of a squishy fit.  This left one tortilla and one tortilla worth of chicken mixture.  We rolled it up with a small splash of enchilada sauce and tossed it into the freezer.  It will make a good, quick lunch for one of us eventually.  Honestly, you could probably just roll and freeze them all into chicken queso burritos if you wanted something that could just be thrown in the microwave fast for on the go lunches.

Cover with the two cans of enchilada sauce and a generous sprinkling of shredded cheese.  Bake at 350 degrees for 30-45 mins until everything is hot, melted together, and delicious.  Let cool a few minutes before serving to let them firm up a bit.  The Engineer had his with sour cream and a little extra cheese, I just had mine plain out of the pan.

Learning to Love Yourself

You wouldn’t know it by the weather this week, but summer time and bikini season is looming.  Usually, I’m always amped to throw on a swimmy suit and hit the beach or the pool, but this year, something is different…..

I think I’ve given myself unrealistic body goals.

I believe the root cause is in the fact that I sort of inadvertently lost so much weight last summer.  While struggling with and trying to get my anxiety and panic attacks under control last summer, I basically quit eating.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be eating, I’m not one of those girls who doesn’t eat…..food is always my jam!  I was just way too worked up all the time.  Eating just a couple bites of anything would just make me feel sick and nauseous.  I remember distinctly sitting at work trying to eat a cliff bar…..it took me 4 days to get through the whole bar!!  During this period I was also working out a ton, because ya know….that’s what they tell you to do when you’re stressed.  Run a bunch, lift all the heavy things and put them down, and get those happy endorphin feelings flowing!  I’m not sure how exactly I managed to function, but apparently anxiety gives you super powers….just not the sort of super powers anyone really wants or should have.

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It turns out that loosing 15 pounds in two weeks has a dramatic effect on your muffin top.  It also has a dramatic effect on your psyche…

I know that I only achieved my slimmed down self because I was unhappy, and that unhappiness and stress changed my body in ways that I normally cannot and would not do.  The worst part though….is that I felt so accomplished.  Maybe it was just the sense of control I had over things.  Nothing felt good, but I had finally achieved the look I had been craving since high school but never had.  It was the one little thing that seemed to be going in my favor.  I finally had reached a point where I didn’t have to squat stretch out my freshly washed jeans, I could throw on anything in my closet and there wasn’t a lump or bump to be found, and I think it just gave me this inflated and superficial sense of self-esteem…..which when you talk about it sounds super awful and unhealthy……BECAUSE IT WAS!

My body is obviously not meant to existing in a muffin top free state….I’m honestly not sure that even the strictest diet would have kept me looking that way.  Once I started feeling better the muffin top slowly but surely started making a come back.  I’m naturally curvy and just tend to carry and collect all my weight generally on my love handles and around my belly button…..a spot I’ve nicknamed “The Doughnut of Awful”.  I’m right around 5’10” so I’m overall very proportional and quite a healthy weight for my height.  I’ve never been told that I need to loose weight by any of my doctors, and even in high school at my most active, swimming and dancing for several hours everyday, I still was no where near as slim and lean as I was last summer.

jeans

…..this photo stresses me out…..as much as I hate to say that and I want to rise above it all…..it still does.  I know that it’s only 12ish pounds and some summer time tan, but I’m not sure that this picture makes me feel as happy as the other one, which is my continual struggle.  There’s some muffin top and tummy squish, and my ribs and hips aren’t poking out of my body.  Idk….it’s not bad, I can rationalize that, but at the same time I don’t exactly feel good about it either.

Lately, I’ve been trying very hard to convince myself that a slightly squishy Miss Happenings is a happier Miss Happenings.

  • I try and remind myself that I’m in a happy relationship, and if I eat out a bit more or drink a bit more now than before it’s because I’m with someone who wants to spend time doing things and having fun with me.
  • I should be happy that my brain finally realizes that skipping a workout to have lunch with friends IS NOT AN ANNOYANCE OR AN INCONVENIENCE!!!  That’s just how my anxiety made me feel about it all the time.  It’s a rare chance to spend quality time with some of my favorite people.
  • I should realize that I rarely hang out in bikinis alone, so even if I’m looking slightly squishy in a bikini I’m still surrounded by people who love and care about me regardless of my muffin top.

I do honestly remind myself of all these things and more when I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see.  I suppose that I probably will always occasionally struggle with my weight and how I look.  I always have from time to time, so it doesn’t make sense that it would mystically go away anytime soon.  The most annoying and hardest part is the small little diva voice in the back of my mind that sometimes quietly whispers that if I just stopped eating for a couple weeks I would slim right down again.  Ugh….go away crazy diva voice…..I have burgers and shit to eat, new beers to try, and things to do that have nothing to do with you!

alice

Going forward, the best I can do is continue to work out, maybe reign in the diet and kick up the cardio a bit, and just generally live the best and healthiest life I can live!  You only get one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.  I refuse to believe that anyone looks back on their life and regrets the fancy desserts they ate, or the summer time patio drinks with friends they drank.  That simply can’t be reality…..and if it is, I don’t want it to be my reality.  If I had continued on the stressed out path I was on, I know looking back that I would have regrets.  I already regret the things I did or didn’t do because my anxiety controlled my life.

I lived that life once, and I refuse to go back there.

side

This summer, in the same jeans as last summer.  A little bit squishier than last summer, but I’m happy!  Ignore the sass face, The Engineer was mocking my photo skills….but he’s just jealous of my shooting skillz!

Happy is healthy….and that’s all there is to it!