Since I have somewhat depressingly become a single, twenty something again that means the return of dating. As much as I hate dating, I’m often reminded that prince charming is not going to just spontaneously arrive at my front door and therefore….I need to sometimes leave the comfort of my couch. After all…..
Since I’m trying to be good with the budget, and since I’m saving lots of pennies for a major purchase…. 🙂 ….. I decided to give Tinder another whirl. Why….why do we keep doing things we know are stupid in the hopes that “Oh, maybe it’s mystically gotten better!” It hasn’t…..please don’t go conduct your own research, I’m here to do that for you. I present to you….the steps you should follow on tinder to avoid this kind of situation in your life!
However, one night, I thought I had found the mystical tinder unicorn! He was tall, good looking, never been married, well educated, no kids…….was looking promising. We started texting and things seemed to be going well. He’s funny, clever, easy to have a conversation with, and didn’t have bad grammar. Note to dudes of the world…..maybe try and be on your best grammatical behavior the first few texts? I know I make grammar and typo errors…..but I’ve gotten some tinder messages that are almost down right unreadable!
What u up to
–Because adding in atleast an ‘r’ and a ‘?’ was gonna be way too much effort…..
Hey how it goin
–Oh ya know…..it’s going….away from you!
So, “Batman” and I texted for a few days and decided that we should go out and get drinks. I will point out that at this point I knew he had gotten a Batman robe for Christmas, but he said it was from his brother and I just figured it was some kind of gag gift or like White Elephant thing or whatever…..because ya know….I just made assumptions. Step 1: Never make assumptions.
So Date Day arrived. I was excited, the girls at work were excited. And then….he cancelled. This almost immediately sent us into a flurry of online research trying to learn more about him. I’d like to say that we are all twenty something girls and that’s just what we’ve been conditioned to do in the face of adversity, but our office manager….who sorta led the charge…..isn’t a twenty something. But she has two twenty something kids so that makes her an honorary member?! I think yes!
In googling, we discovered his ex girlfriend. We also discovered that his ex girlfriend had been at Christmas with his family. (This occurred the week between Christmas and New Years) Needless to say, we dug pretty deep around Facebook, and found out some less than stellar things. Everyone told me to leave it alone but I, being the somewhat bitchy, no bullshit, and impatient person that I am, sent the girl a Facebook message. Now many of you don’t know, but it takes me maybe 7-9 mins to get from the office back to my house. Before I had even made it home, she had texted him and he had texted me all pissy that I had talked to her. Well……maybe don’t be on Tinder when you’re cuddled up to your ex girlfriend in your Facebook profile picture?!? It doesn’t give off the “I’m single and ready to mingle” sorta vibe to say the least. I figured that was the end of us talking, lost another one to being an asshole, and moved on with life. Step 2: Always trust your gut.
I didn’t think much of him until I was on my way to see my cousins for New Years Eve. I started getting texts from him about how he was really a nice guy,he wasn’t trying to lead anyone on or be sneaky, he’s totally single and she’s seeing someone else, and he was sorry for the misunderstanding. Against my better judgment, and in total disregard of Step 2, I agreed to meet him for drinks New Years Day night. I was home alone after having to cut my weekend cousin party short due to weather anyway…..might as well go out and do something right?!
Show up for drinks….he’s in a super hero t-shirt. Granted he does have a button down over the top of it, but you can still see the super hero beneath. Now in talking to him I had started to realize that he was a big fan of the super hero, and I mean we all have to have our thing. But……really…..on a first date?! While on the date I also discovered that he has the Batman symbol tattooed on his wrist. Couple thoughts…..I find that to be a very feminine place to get a tattoo, possibly just because I know a lot of girls with tattoos there and not very many guys, and second……why Batman?! I don’t know a ton about super hero and comics and whatever but isn’t Batman considered to be sorta the dud amongst them?!? Someone more well versed in these things can feel free to offer up opinions and explanations.
The date went well…..or so I thought. He was pretty much as expected; tall, good looking, funny, clever, he kept up drink for drink with me which is impressive, well educated, and well traveled. We basically only left the bar because they were closing down and we had to leave. I wasn’t even home yet when he texted saying what a great time he had and how he wanted to see me again. A couple texts later we had agreed to meet again Wednesday night. Nothing specific, just pencilled in Wednesday night plans. This all seemed well and good….UNTIL I NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN! Step 3: If they have to apologize and tell you they aren’t an asshole before you’ve even met them….they are probably an asshole!
Now, I’d understand if we had gone on a date and he just wasn’t feeling it and we never went out again. That’s cool, it happens….no big deal what so ever. But why would you ever go out of your way to make second date plans with someone and then just fall off a cliff?! What even is the point of that?! I suppose much like “How many licks does it take to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop?” the answer is of course, “The world may never know….”