Chapter 1: Vodka and Tears

I present to you the story of the FIREFIGHTER COWBOY!

I first met the Firefighter Cowboy online dating. Also he was my first escapade into blind dates off the internet. (There isn’t enough wine in my house currently for me to delve into my online dating situation, we’ll save that for some other time.) He seemed sort of normal so I agreed to go meet for drinks. Let’s just get this outta the way right away….he lied about his height!!!! WHY WHY WHY do guys think they can just add a couple inches and no one will notice?!?!?!? I suppose if a girl was 5’2” she might not notice, I however am not one of those girls. As a tall girl with an obsession for heels, height is an non negotiable issue for me. Even in cowboy boots he was still short….not like meh I can deal short….but like full on short!! Anyway, that was strike one. Second, he spent most of the date criticizing my beer choices. Can’t a guy just let a girl get her drink on? Fast-forward a couple hours, we leave, and I’m counting my lucky stars that its over. This is where it starts to get real weird….he sent me a text asking if I thought we should see each other again. I responded along the lines of “no, not really” which produced a response of “yea, me neither”. Maybe an hour after that I get a text asking if I wanted to hang out again! This should have been my first clue……

Also…he didn’t look like this..I mean he’s not a stripper….but this general vibe was not what he was working with!

Moving forward, the Cowboy and I decided that we could just hang out. We discussed, AT LENGTH, that we wouldn’t date but that we could sometimes hang out socially. I didn’t really have friends in town. I thought that maybe if I had someone to hang out with I would eventually meet some people. Every time we hung out he always got really upset that I wouldn’t date him. This would cause him to alternate between never wanting to speak to me again and turning around and inviting me out again. It was weird, don’t ask me why we kept hanging out, we just did. He eventually moved into an apartment near my old town home, apparently quit being a firefighter, and started working at the Ford dealership. The last time I saw him at my house was really the icing on the craziness cake.

If this deranged beaver cake is a 9 on the crazy scale…..we are headed to full on 10.  Strap in folks!

If this deranged beaver cake is a 5 on the WTF scale…..we are headed to full on 10.                   Strap in folks!

He stopped by one night on his way home from work for drinks on my patio. It started getting late and buggy out so we moved inside. I’m not quite sure how this series of events occurred, but before I knew it the Cowboy was drinking straight vodka out of a coffee mug IN MY KITCHEN!! Ok….cool…. I guess, I mean I can roll with this, a little vodka never hurt anyone. So we bummed around for a bit while he swilled vodka. The downfall really started when the swilling led to him asking me out for the umpteenth time. This was obviously our established standard operating procedure. Drinks always led to stating the various reasons why he was OBVIOUSLY the only person I should be dating. This particular night was going along very much according to plan……and then the crying started.

I can not accurately express the horror and/or confusion that flashed through my brain. A 27 year old guy was standing in my kitchen bawling whilst explaining that my current boyfriend was awful and that he, the Cowboy, was the best life choice I could possibly make! This choice, as I recall, was primarily based on the fact that his dad knows the mayor (or former mayor maybe) of Brookings, SD. I’m not sure that any fact has ever made me less enthused to date someone! I think he ended up walking home that night after I kinda sorta shoved him out of my house. Luckily, I avoided any potentially awkward encounters the next day when he came to get his car. It had been there in the morning, but was just gone when I got home from work. #winning

Remember kids.....don't swill and campaign!

Remember kids…..don’t swill and campaign!

Before you jump to conclusions that I was mean to this poor crying, ex-firefighter, cowboy in my kitchen I have a fun fact to share. Late last year I went on a date with another online boy.   (I know, I know I should learn!!! Again, not enough wine currently to broach this topic.) This date was with a manager at a Ford dealership where the Cowboy had worked. (The Cowboy had been fired from the dealership, so now he’s an ex-firefighter/ex-carsalesman?!?!) I guess they ran into each other at a bar one night, and the Cowboy had proceeded to start crying and yelling about his connections to “important people in Brookings!!” Good to know that I wasn’t the only one who was unimpressed with his political connections!

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