Trying to Think Happy Thoughts

I’m not sure why, but lately I’ve been feeling very squishy and down on myself.  Usually, I’m pretty confident about myself and the work I put into looking and feeling the way I do.  One of my first posts ever  was about appreciating the body I have!!  UGH….  Lately though, I’m not sure if I’m regressing, or just not making the gains in strength I feel like I should……but I’m feeling super blob-tastic.

 

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This is a Heffalump……I’ve really been feeling lately like I’m one with the Heffalumps.  Plus side, at least Heffalumps are adorable!

 

I almost feel like I had a better relationship with my body and the way I looked BEFORE I started working out and focusing on cleaning up my diet and lifestyle.  I used to be really proud of my “non thigh gap” thighs and my cute “I used to be a ballerina” butt.  These ads used to make me feel like it was ok not to be stick thin, but lately they just haven’t had the same effect.

 

….now I just feel like the time and effort is all for nothing.

I have never….ever……in my whole life……at my squishiest…..had any qualms about jumping into a bikini and chilling by the pool or on the beach.  Now, with a vacation scheduled with the Main Squeeze in July, I suddenly feel like I need to eat carrot sticks, celery, and water until we leave.  It’s all totally ridiculous, and I know that.  I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m not looking my best.  Also, the more I think about these things, plan meals, schedule workouts, and generally bust ass trying to get my ass rounder, my stomach flatter, and my arms buffer……the worse I feel!

I ordered a new swim suit for the vaca, and it was just a total let down.  Probably due to the fact that bikinis look much better with a tan….which the SoDak winter doesn’t really allow anyone to have.  Also, I had been feeling like I was looking really good, until I realized that my butt doesn’t look like an Angel’s butt.  I felt like I had been living with delusions of skinniness, and they all came crashing down.  In my brain I was quite sure that my butt looked just like theirs, until I turned around and saw it in the mirror.

So, this is my new plan.  I’m going to chalk my March mind set up to a late onset case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, and start fresh in April!  I’m gonna focus more on making myself feel better, and get back to being confident in myself.   Being me is pretty awesome.  Look at all the things my body has and will continue do for me!!

I can make my body do all sorts of things that some people only wish they could do.  I need to learn to be more grateful for my body….which includes it’s flaws.

When all else fails, sometimes it’s nice to look back at old pics.  It’s nice to see how far you’ve come.  I find it especially helpful, because it reminds me that I’ve always been comfortable and confident in my own skin, and nothing, not even being pasty white in a bikini, should change that.

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Florida 2011….my at my squishiest

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New Years Eve 2012 with the BFF…..and Spanx

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Halloween 2014….same dress, no Spanx

 

To start April off on a good note, I got to spend the weekend with my Main Squeeze, some bull riding, and homemade pizza night.  Ringing in the month with dinner with Momma and the Squeeze and a couple PBRs guilt free felt like a really good start to getting back to my old self!

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#Sturgisorbust

Hopefully you’re not getting sick of my pictures.  It just seems like the easiest way to share my shenanigans with you.  Last weekend was no exception.  I loaded down the Terrain and headed out West to the Sturgis rally.  As with all my craziest trips, the pictures are really worth a thousand words.

To keep this PG there shall be no pictures of pasties or women in body paint….

A….because it was so crowded it was hard to know when a mostly naked women was going to appear.

B……because it’s frankly never the ones you want to see naked that are rocking the look.  I however, am not here to judge.  More power to ya ladies!

Also, sorry for all the pictures with beer…..there honestly wasn’t a huge amount of time that I wasn’t holding one…..and frankly I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that life!

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As usual, it’s important that you pack nearly everything you own and way too many shoes (I brought 6 pairs total!!).  Maybe if I bothered to plan activities I’d have a better shot at packing realistically for my adventures, but I don’t.  I tend to just show up and wing it, so I always way over pack for these things.

There will  be a period of time where you wonder if you’ll ever actually make it to Rapid City.  Road construction will make you question your sanity, and the drive will give you serious motorcycle envy…..this is only the beginning.

Make sure when you get to Rapid City that you stop at Philly Ted’s.  I didn’t even get to eat my first philly…..sharing is caring I guess!  Don’t worry, I eventually got my fix.

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You might discover that beer gives you epic photography skills.  Granted, it’s hard to mess up pictures when you have the Hills as a background….but I think I did pretty awesome on the action shots.  The guys made me attempt to hit a clay, and I failed hard.  Oh well, we made fish and potatoes, and my sweet Tinder opportunities inspired the guys to try and hook me up with various rally attendees……this also was a huge fail….thank goodness!

….and you’re holding on like a mechanic on the Titanic….”

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When your Mother’s friend tells you to put on your boots and kick up some dust, you’d best believe I threw on the boots and hit the town.  When in cowboy county, do as the cowboys do.  Not that I know any cowboys who where bedazzled boots, but I do know some who wear flannel, drink cheap beer, and throw darts.  That my friends sounds like a good night to me any day of the week!

I got too distracted to get pictures of darts with Todd, but I did get to roll around in his Jeep with the top down….unfortunately, there was no sombrero action this time.

You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning!!  So Sunday brought breakfast burritos and bloody marys in Deadwood followed by BOGO PBRs (insert excited face here!!!) and people watching.  I think that since for many Harley owners their bikes represent freedom, it’s only fitting that I drank red, white, and blue beer on my trip.  ‘Merica!  

(I’m aware that my drinks of choice are similar to what 50 year old men drink…..that’s just how I roll!)

There are no pictures of Sunday night because I had a date.  Also, I didn’t drink all day because the date and I both had to drive, and you should always adult responsibly!  

Post date, I maybe should retract what I said about the Tinder Cowboy a couple weeks ago……horses are his life and I should maybe not be such a judge-y bitch face all the time……more about that on another day hopefully.  He was actually very nice, and still super smokin’ hot good looking!BeFunky Collage sunday

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I hauled my bike out to the hills because I had an inkling that I would have Monday morning free, and I was right.  I generally like to think that I’m in decent physical shape, but uphill biking at an altitude change proved me wrong in a hurry.  But, never the less, it was good to burn off some of the beers and have some alone time.  I’m not sure you’ll be able to see it, but through the trees on the bottom picture is the top of the mine shaft at the Underground Lab where my dad used to work.

After my ride I headed back to the “Dog House” to get ready for a day of adventures.  Monday night was rally time, and I knew I wanted to show up looking like the glorious biker princess that I am in my dreams.  Victoria’s Secret Angel curls, denim shorts, Sturgis shirts, and biker boots was the style of the day and I headed off to meet my Lil B for lunch.

Lewie’s is a favorite, and if you’re ever out in the Hills you should check them out.  Nothing can go wrong when you have a bacon cheeseburger with jalapenos and beers on a patio.  

You might witness some weird things while hanging on the patio…..it’s rally time…..you’ve just gotta accept it!  It’s also important to know that if you yell “I like your selfie stick” at a biker, you will then have to take a photo with said biker and his selfie stick!

There’s a line…..and you’ve crossed it!”

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…..again, #sorrynotsorry for all the beer!  We needed a wardrobe change, and you can’t do that without drinking!

Monday night we headed down to the rally for concerts, corn dogs, and more beer!  The Easyrider always has free concerts during the rally, and sometimes they are even people you’ve heard of!  Monday night was Hairball and Quiet Riot, which seemed like a solid time.  (I had originally thought Monday night was Hinder, but I can’t read a calendar correctly apparently.)

Mostly, we ended up watching bikes, hanging out, and surviving a hail storm/monsoon.  We started the storm under a blow up canopy, and that sorta did the job for the hail.  The monsoon quickly proved that we needed to move, and the closest place was, of course, the bar!  Whilst waiting out the rain under the bar tent I did flirt with an Indian sales rep, however I’m sorry to report that he did not like me enough to offer to give me a bike…..

The guys met an MMA fighter who’s apparently legit (buff dude in the man tank….), the dude in the long sleeves is a former Green Bay Packer that no one really cared about (though he’s a part owner of the bar so there’s that), and I was reminded that squats are indeed very important.  ….if you’re gonna wear cut off jean shorts, I support you…..however not everyone has the butt for it….that’s all I’m saying.  #hakunamasquata

All in all we survived the storm, grabbed McDonald’s on the way home, and headed up and outta the craziness back to Deadwood.

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That about wraps it up.  A quick cruise around Tuesday morning on a crotch rocket reaffirmed my commitment to cruisers, and I was off to lunch in Rapid.  Had Philly Ted’s with my best chemistry gangster, and I hit the road back home.  I have a freezer full of philly’s now and some awesome memories!