This is my first Father’s Day without a Grandpa or my Dad living. It’s a little strange that my family ties don’t go back to a patriarchal figure anymore. Day to day life goes on, but it’s strange when you stop to think about it.
I never really know what to say on days like today. It’s a weird feeling, and it’s hard to express, but slowly I’ve come to terms with it.
I know the pain and loss will always be there, it comes out as a random outburst of angry tears that happens every year around this time of year. It’s the annoyance at Father’s Day commercials and sales, and listening to people complain and whine about the struggles of finding a good gift. It’s always there simmering away, but some days it’s easy easier to control that others.
At the risk of posting photos I’ve already posted before, I thought I would share pictures of my Dad just being my Dad.
Miss you always.
Those who know me best know that I’m usually a fairly emotionally stable person. I don’t go flying off the handle about things, and I can usually keep stuff together fairly well. I just sort of maintain a standard operating level of bitchiness, but this week was different.
I’m not quite sure why it was different, I just know it was. Funny though the things though that make you feel better….
- Drinking half a bottle of tequila with you bestie and bawling like a baby at her pool at 3 in the afternoon. Yup….we were those girls, and we don’t care what you want to say about it. Sometimes a girl just needs booze, her bestie, and a good cry! On a side note, I’ve never been drunk and then sobered up again all in the same night. Yay for new experiences!
- Movie night on the couch with the Scout baby….she’s my ride or die!
- Running a 5K. I hate to run, it’s not my thing and it never goes well for me. Sometimes though, you have to run for those who can’t. So today I put on my shoes, left the music and distractions at home, and ran for my Dad.
Now I’m not sure that it ever gets any easier or better. I don’t know why it seemed better to cry at a pool than at the funeral. I don’t know why I can just be going about my day, and all the sudden the feels punch me in the gut. What I do know though, is that life goes on. Even when Dad was here and sick, he wanted everything to go on as normal. So, I’ll continue to do what I do, and life will go on. Sometimes that the best you can do.